Don’t read any further if you haven’t seen this movie. You’ll find out everything that happens and you won’t understand any of my super funny jokes.
0:02:49 Ooh, the black dude is cool. I wanna be black like him.
0:04:43 Watchers see the future, pushers force their ideas on you, movers move shit. Bleeders scream so loud you bleed, Shifters change what you see, Sniffs know where you are by sniffing your shit—um, stuff. Wipers clear the rain away, just kidding, they wipe your memories, Shadows block Sniffs and Stitches can psychically heal people. I’m a sleeper, I can fall asleep through anything, probably even sexual intercourse. What are you? (Interactive portion of our show: you have to leave an answer in the Comments.)
0:07:36 The black guy has such a great voice and accent; I bet he even knows I’m not being politically incorrect.
0:08:03 Goofy looking white guy with creepy ass horsey wallpaper. He must be wishing he was black like me.
0:12:42 Two guys in the grown kids’ apartment, walking around touching and sniffing his personal business more than Helen Keller at an orgy.
0:14:20 Dakota! Cute in a skirt, and wild hair with streaks of madness.
0:15:24 I can’t wait. Only 7 months until DF is old enough to be officially cute.
0:16:51 Wow, this is a fun game: Find which is worse, the script or the acting? I think it’s the script because not even DK can save this using all her talent.
0:19:09 Dude’s secret power is screaming and he doesn’t even look a little like my ex-wife.
0:19:56 LOL, they got captured because the screamers screamed. This is how you know you’re not a super hero.
0:21:35 The brunette is cute if she’s over 18. #CheckHerAge
0:25:11 Stitches push the pain out of you with their magic fingers but you don’t get a happy ending.
0:31:16 Because she mentally told him she needed to pee so that she could escape, it’s more sci-fi than her just telling him the old fashioned way.
0:33:19 And then the little 18 yr old kicks his muscular 35 year old ass. WTF!?
0:33:35 Where did everyone go from the rest area? Can she also make people evaporate? #LikeMyJokes
0:38:59 I so knew that fuck-tard was a dead man.
0:39:49 I think I’d be a Pusher because you can make people believe whatever you want them to and then you don’t need any other powers.
0:40:06 “More round”? Must I really be subjected to this? #GrammarInHell
0:40:47 It’s the Asian chick from ER. Licking a hairbrush. Works for me.
0:45:15 “I looked for you all over.” “You didn’t find me.” The power of the spoken word sometimes… #Scary
0:45:48 Started the oven for my dinner. Oven fries and hamburgers. Gotta be more palatable than the film.
0:46:28 “I’ve never seen my mom’s death before.” This must’ve been written during the writer’s strike.
0:50:48 Camilla Belle has to make him think the bathroom’s on fire to get him to come in and do her.
0:51:29 “Did you see it yet?” This is the proverbial script written by a roomful of random monkeys. #GrammarInHell
0:52:58 DF’s character is drunk. DF must’ve been drunker when she accepted to do this shit.
0:53:24 “No offense taken, Cupcake. I know you’re sweet on the champ.” I good writer dialog as him.
0:53:39 DF doesn’t do drunk so well. She needs to practice more.
0:58:23 Ok, this is just ridiculous. Guns floating around the bad guy’s head like a Three Stooges ghost skit and we know already that the “good” guy isn’t going to pull the trigger even though he won’t have a good reason not to. WTF!?
0:59:02 The premise is just silly. It might be better if we actually cared what happened to these losers.
1:02:15 After her drunk, DF doesn’t have a hangover and actually looks better. WTF!?
1:02:50 I hate it when somebody does everything they can to kill another fucker and then stop for no other reason than to let him live so he can come back and kill the bad guy later. WTF!?
1:04:00 Cool song. Let me Sound Hound it. It’s called “Glow” by Unkle.
1:06:09 No way! This thing is actually getting worse! The actors and the directors just give up halfway through. #LikeSexWithMe
1:06:21 Burgers are ready, but I’m not sure I should eat and watch this at the same time.
1:06:53 Add crappy sets to the list. Ralph.
1:10:16 A bunch of old Asian guys sitting in a restaurant at night wearing Blues Brothers’ sunglasses. Maybe I got it wrong and this is, in fact, a very subtle intellectual comedy.
1:15:21 This guy can erase memories. Man, I’d like him to erase the time I kissed another guy. Or watched this movie. #WhichIsWorse?
1:15:24 Maybe the Losers should have sorted the key part of the plan before they started the plan.
1:19:50 This movie is just so random. Why these powers? Why not more? Why not fewer?
1:21:18 Another chance to kill the hero they let pass on some lame premise. I shouldn’t have eaten.
1:28:59 If a stranger walked through your dining room while you were eating to go and hide in your attic, would you say something? WTF!?
1:32:51 Sure it’s crappy, but at least it’s long.
1:36:52 The hero escapes from the trunk he was locked in because a flying red shirted henchman happened to land on it out of nowhere. WTF!?
1:40:20 The Screamers screams kill the super strong and powerful bad guy but not the wimpy untrained rag tag hero. WTF!?
1:43:57 How cute, they couldn’t afford a real ending either.
- WTF!?’s: 6
- When to Follow: After you get the DVD thrown in for free when buying the cracked but sill functional lava lamp at the trailer park garage sale.
- What To Feedback: In the comments section, let me know which power you’d like to have (Pusher, Wisher, Washer… or find one of your own).
- Bonus WTF!?: I Just found out that Chris Evans is going to be Captain America! Who in the Holy Hell let this man anywhere close to a cool superhero? Had no one bothered to watch this before hiring him?