In Your Face

Spoiler Alert:

Don’t read any further if you haven’t seen this movie. You’ll find out everything that happens and you won’t understand any of my super funny jokes.

How to Turn On a Car
Spicy Cheese Tortilla

Eating a fast food cheeseburger tortilla with samurai sauce (a squirt on the fries too, please). I saw this wreck in the theater and fell asleep, so hopefully the food will keep me up if the movie won’t.

0:00:00 It’ll be interesting because I confuse 1 & 2 and I don’t remember 2.

0:02:49 Wait! That general guy already died in the first Transformers! At the cool battle scene at the beginning. WTF!?

0:04:39 One robot smells another? What makes them smell different? And since when did the Autosatis-faction begin projecting hot babes and why did this stop before #3?

0:05:24 Why the fuck do the soldiers even bother trying to fight the Decepticons before the good robots show up? Seems like a waste of good flesh to me.

“Need any help or should we just hang back and let you guys keep getting killed?”

0:07:58 They don’t want the news of the bad robots to get out!? One or two of the people on the highway where the battle is being fought might notice the presence of a 6-story robot.

0:08:16 Damn the special effects are awesome.

0:10:53 OMG Megan Fox in Daisy Dukes bent over on a motorcycle. That’s some fine ass acting talent she’s showing off there.

Megan’s Version of Dark Moon

[Sorry, the shot is a literal screen shot of the TV with my smart phone.]

0:12:40 This whole movie is going to be based on a sliver of the All Box that fell off on Sam’s hoodie? #Weak

0:12:55 And why did it pick this moment to activate? It’s like it somehow knew the sequel was starting.

0:14:36 If my neighbor’s house exploded because of killer robots, I might notice. Or maybe I’m more observant than the norm. #PeepingTom

0:14:52 Bumblebee could talk at the end of T1. What happened? CAT® got his tongue?

After Eating the Spicy Cheese Tortilla, Sam Forgets His Car Can Smell

0:16:45 He’s breaking up with a robot. And the robot’s crying. #OhPlease

Never let your robot mix his fuel.

0:18:03 Oh good, the geeky wuss refuses to tell the hottest girl on the planet that he loves her. That’ll be some nausea to look forward to later. Like eating a tortilla with samurai sauce. Except not as good.

0:25:38 Where exactly is Only Hot Girls College located? #FU

0:30:07 The mom eats a hash brownie and starts tackling jocks. That’s not a hash brownie. #Brown(ie)Acid

What the moment right before you sleep with your mother looks like.

0:30:43 Very cool cyclops cougar badbot. I betcha he has a stupid name.

His name is “Ravage”. What else are you going to call a dripping wet pussy-bot?

0:31:06 There is no way in hell a cougar sized robot could hold a gazillion ball bearings that turn into an ocean of badbots.

0:32:16 Ok, seriously, if all the ball bearing bots can change into any shape they want, what’s the point of the other bots who are limited in their size and function?

Dildo—Because he’s a Pussy Robot

0:33:33 Cool version of “Burning Down the House”. (You MUST check out this video.)

0:34:28 If the hot blonde hitting on Wetwick isn’t a Decepticon, the film crossed the line from Science Fantasy to Science Please Give Speilberg All Your Money You Gullible Disillusioned Ignorant Geek Patsies.

If a girl who looks like this comes on to you…you’re fucked.

0:36:58 I was right. Spielberg is off the hook. The babe was a decepticon. #LikeEveryWoman

0:38:51 Why don’t the badbots just convert the submarine with the All Box and drown the soldiers instead of converting everything else around it and fighting a huge battle?


The All Box can never truly be destroyed.

One sentence just rendered the entire first movie a total waste of time.

0:43:59 It’s Dwight from The Office!

0:47:32 The little bot steps in a mousetrap and feels pain? #Really?

A Little Prick

0:54:30 The tip of the bitchbot’s giant tongue is still pink flesh. #NiceTouch

0:55:47 Three people in a compact car dropped from a helicopter at the height of a skyscraper through a factory roof are saved because of an airbag? WTF!? (Of course, I can see how MF’s airbags would save her.)

Meagan Fox’s Warm-Up Exercises

1:00:52 OP is fighting 3 badbots… Where are the rest of the Autosatis-faction? #Chickenbots

1:02:13 I bet OP doesn’t stay dead.

After the Massive Battle, OP’s GLASS Chest Protecters Remain Unscratched. WTF!?

1:03:01 After OP kills most of the badbots and dies (for a scene or 2) now the other goodbots show up. #Assbots

1:06:14 Very cool sinking of aircraft carrier special effects.

1:09:48 I’m getting seriously fed up of the bucktoothed, big lipped, sassy black pimpmobiles. #Racistbots

“Ooweee Massah. We’s some ignorant slavebots, lawdy lawdy.”

1:20:23 John Turturro in a jock strap. Pretty hairy and pretty hairy but not hairy pretty.

1:21:49 I laughed out loud when the one guy accidentally tased himself.

1:22:45 A robot that is senile and needs a cane. Remind me again how robots are better than people?

How you can tell when a robot is old: His eyes get bloodshot and he grows whiskers. WTF!?

1:46:58 Just woke up from a cat nap. The movie was stronger than the samurai cheese sauce.


I’m calling to say my phone doesn’t work…


1:53:49 This movie has more men screaming than San Francisco during a vaseline shortage.

Major Lennox uses his downtime to enjoy the built-in Military Strength Depends.

2:0:47 The problem with the comedy they keep trying to introduce is that it’s just not funny. They go through the motions but it’s just for the form.  #BadForm

2:07:15 Megan Fox running in slow motion. #BouncyTalents

Megan Fox’s Career Goes Up in Smoke

2:12:39 The third time Megan runs in slow motion, she dives to give up some down blouse.

“And the Oscar for Chest Supporting Actress goes to…”

2:14:13 Mikaela yells at Sam to tell him she loves him. #YouOweMeOne

2:17:45 Robot heart transplant. What next? #RobotSTD

2:20:52 Mikaela is hugging Sam Wetwicky but he can’t stop staring at Optimus Prime. #DildoBot

Shia Pet Carrying Optimus Prime’s Condom After the Auto-erotobot Busted a Nut

Tally Ho’

  • WTF!?’s: 4
  • When to Follow: If you’re hospitalized and this is the only thing on. And the bathroom is close.

What to Follow Up

WTF!? review of Transformers
WTF!? Review of Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon

Left Over WTF (Way Too Funny) Photos

The Face That Launched A Thoushand Chips
“You see the statue on the right? I tapped that.”
How the Sphinx Lost His Nose (or “Optimus Got His Rocks Off”)
“Suck my left nut, human.”
The Shia Pet and his magical hair. Just water it and watch it grow!
“What do you mean I forgot my skateboard?”
LeBoeuf Before His Attempt to Break the Anal Plug Record
LaBoeuf After His Attempt to Break the Anal Plug Record
Shia LePet Distances Himself From Megan LaFox
“‘Hitler,’ Megan? Really? You had to call him ‘Hitler’?”
Meagan Fox Learns There’s Nowhere To Hide After Insulting Michael Bay
“Forgive me, Steven Spielberg, for I have sinned.”
Megan Mourns the Death of Her Career
Turns Out Megan Fox DOES Give a Crap
One of These Things Doesn’t Belong
I Sooo Know What You’re Thinking Right Now
What bad tattoo?
They’re called “words”, Megan.

My review of Transformers is right here.


  1. Megan Fox warm up exercises! LMAO! What the hell was up with that? HeeHee While BumbleBee is erotic as hell, I don’t think I could sit through another one of these movies.


    1. Hi there, Bats!

      Isn’t that picture a laugh? I’m not quite sure what she was up to, though I suspect it had something to do with putting herself in the “breast” light.

      And Bumblebee is erotic? Do tell!

      WTF!? Bats,

      Saint Pauly


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