I Am Number 4 --- Out of a Possible Ten

Spoiler Alert:

Don’t read any further if you haven’t seen this movie. You’ll find out everything that happens and you won’t understand any of my super funny jokes.

"Hmm, if I was a dog, I'd lick my own balls, too."

Eating ramen in a cup for lunch and picking up the apartment at the same time to prepare for dinner guests who are coming tonight from the States.

I think I didn’t see this in the movie theater because there were too many other movies that all came out the exact same instant. I wanted to see it because I liked the poster. The fun thing is, I have absolutely no idea what this thing is about.

00:03:39 The bad guy just happens to be standing in the precise spot in the middle of the jungle where the good guy just happens to land after jumping off a mountain.

00:05:14 4 guys on the beach with their shirts off. I’m thinking I’m not the target audience for this. #GleeFans

"Later tonight we're gonna sing Journey--crap, wrong show."

00:07:23 If you almost drown at a beach bonfire and your friends all run away while you’re crawling out of the ocean and you have super powers…Hunt them down and kill them.


I was just 9 years old when the Mogadoris invaded my planet…

Is there anyone out there who still thinks exposition in dialog is a good idea?

00:15:43 The poor man’s Christian Hayden (yes, that bad) is hanging out with a puppy and an older man who is not his dad in a hotel room. You’d think super aliens on the run from killer aliens would have a more exciting, less “Village People” lives.

"Don't worry, it happens to every guy at least once."

00:16 38 Hot blonde alien blows up her house and survives because she’s super cold. #LikeEveryOtherHotBlonde

That Looks Extremely Hot (And So Does The Explosion)

00:18:00 This is like Sarah Connor Chronicles without the babes.

00:21:27 WTF!? The only school in the world where the geeky fags bully the burly new guy.

00:24:26 We learn his secret power is strength. And being an outcast in a new school where he meets the hottie. #LikeTwilight. And he can morph into any top 40 teen movie. #LikeTheSoundtrack.

00:27:26 His palms glow. Apparently another power he has is excessive masturbation.

Hand cream helps ease the chafing

00:3:32 A blonde photographer who helps her friends. #ForgettingVeronicaMars

"What do you mean, 'art shots'?"

00:47:51 Loner boy moves to Hicksville USA falls in love, defeats local bullies and learns about himself. #DirtyDancing

00:48:58 House of Horror ride at local fair turns real. #ClichesAreTheTrueTerror

"I don't know, that ferris wheel looks pretty high."

00:54:09 Their first kiss. I bet there’s not going to be a whole lot of full frontal nudity in this puppy.

00:55:11 Teenage guy discovers he has special powers and has to learn to control them. #WhatIsSpiderman (Or Harry Potter)

01:03:32 Alien love is forever. Like Vampire and Werewolf love. Or #herpes

01:13:35 The dad figure dies and the only thing I get a touch of is indigestion.


My home planet is Lorian but Earth is my home now. It’s as good a planet as any in the universe, and I intend to make sure it stays that way.

These words were literally in someone’s mouth. #Gross

Never trust anything that has a dick bigger than you

Ok, I seriously just fell asleep twice during the last third of the movie. I gotta get ready for the dinner guests now. If any one out there was able to stay awake and thought it was disproportionately better than the first ⅔s, please contact someone else who hasn’t yet deleted this to make room on their hard drive.

"Now unzip your jeans and stick your thumb in your mouth."

Tally Ho’

  • WTF!?’s: 6
  • When to Follow: Not even worth the time it takes to steal it.
  • What To Feedback: You know how Rodney won the big prize last time? Now’s your turn. Or Rodney’s again. To Caption This…

Left Over WTF (Way Too Funny) Photos

"Stroke it...faster..faster...faster...that's it...almost there...don't stop..."
"Are you sure it's down here?"
"Well, at least they're not hairy."
"Yeah, and it vibrates, too, babe."
New Kid Off The Block

3 thoughts on “WTF: I AM NUMBER 4

  1. So many palm jokes, so little time, eh, St Pauly? Man, I’m going to spend some time coming up with a ripper caption too, hopefully one not about masturbation!

    My own review of this is coming up in a few weeks. I’ll link here to make sure you get some sort of feedback!


    1. Hello Rodney,

      Yes, I’m a little disappointed in myself, truth be told. As I was posting the last of the photos, I noticed every joke was a sexual reference and told myself I must try harder with subsequent posts.


      Saint Pauly


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