WTF: Mission: Impossible III

MI III Inches

Spoiler Alert:

Don’t read any further if you haven’t seen this movie. You’ll find out everything that happens and you won’t understand any of my super funny jokes.

"Your eyes say 'No', but your nose says 'Blow me'."

0:00:43 Philip Seymour Hoffman is the best at everything. Ever.

0:01:12 Michelle Monaghan is the most beautiful everything. Ever. I fell in idolize with her when I saw the much underrated Kiss Kiss Bang Bang.

Hopefully, Michelle Monaghan will soon be able to afford sleeves

0:02:56 Pretty intense beginning. Boding fairly well so far.

0:04:02 Oh No! All the good stuff was a flash forward! Starting a movie with a flash forward is basically saying, “My movie has such a boring beginning that I have to steal an exciting part from later, which will now be a lot less exciting because I already showed it to you at the beginning.”

0:06:00 That woman from NCIS (Sahsa Alexander) who decided she was too good for TV, so was killed off in the series before her career died after this movie. And now she’s back on TV. At least she took her shot.

0:07:00 Wow, spies have kicking taste in party music. (The Black Crowes – Back Door Santa)

0:08:23 That’s right! JJ Abrams directed this. And the well-boding continues.

Training for the Special Olympics

0:11:06 After the exploding sunglasses in M:I 2, again with the exploding message you have to hold against your face. This time it’s an exploding camera you have against your eye.

0:18:01 Maggie Q rocked acting (and other things) hard in Balls of Fury.

0:19:58 Like YouPorn: Lots of action but not lots that’s new.

0:24:56 Maybe the best helicopter chase scene I’ve ever seen. Maybe the only one I remember.

0:26:10 Ethan holds the dead girl like he’s done it before.

"Hold on tight, the toilet's just over there!"

0:26:46 Michelle Monaghan in her PJs is a poem to the splendor that is small-chested women.

0:29:18 Lawrence Fishburne brought his A game. ‘A’ as in Acting.

0:33:27 Simon Pegg fresh off good films.

0:34:49 Simon’s working his mojo here much much better than he will be in Ghost Protocol. He can thank Abrams for bringing him in here and giving him a regular gig (not to mention using him again in Star Trek as Scotty).

"Nope, it is mathematically impossible to explain Scientology."

0:37:24 There must be a purpose to Mission Impossible movies that is higher than bad romance exchanges saved by the presence of Michelle Monaghan.

0:41:41 Very nice grapple hook with belt attachment that allows you to run up the wall hands free. #BirthdayPresentIdeas

0:46:43 Maggie Q wears a red dress she’s more out of than in to a reception at the Vatican. If she wears that to meet the Pope, I’d love to see what she wears to beat the Bishop.

Thank Q Very Much

0:47:47 Oh gentle and merciful Christ, please don’t tell me we’re gonna get into this mask ridiculousness in the Vatican. In the name of all that is holy…

0:48:21 Oh goody. Not only is Ethan going to wear a mask, they’re actually going to make it from scratch while he waits. Plus it takes forever. I’ve got slower service than this from fast food restaurants. Yet the very existence of this machine precludes the need for an agency like IMF (Impossible Missions Force) because anyone can go around looking like anyone else at anytime, so spies are redundant.

0:59:37 It’s fun watching Philip Seymour Hoffman act circles around Tom Cruise. And everyone else on the planet.

Buddy Pine (aka Syndrome) from "The Incredibles"

1:03:31 Getting bombed on a bridge in the Florida Keys.

1:05:03 “Bad Guy Aim” is when 6 henchman armed with advanced automatic weaponry cannot hit 2 full grown men on a bridge. Then again, this kind of makes sense if you consider how short Tom Cruise is.

1:07:57 Good Guy Aim is when Tom Cruise can bring down a super sonic airplane with 3 shots from a gun he just assembled from a kit.

Bird Hunting for Midgets

1:11:11 This whole suspense to save Julia (Michelle Monaghan)  is wasted bullocks because we already know she gets taken prisoner because that was the first scene of the movie. No one’s memory is that bad, JJ.

1:13:40 I predict the white guy (Billy Crudup—who hit the apex of his career in Almost Famous which just may be my favorite movie of all time) is the mole and not Lawrence Fishburne. In addition, it’s more politically American.

Ordering Asian...Spicy and Extra Saucy

1:15:04 Seems like Whitey helped him escape but I lay by my prediction.

1:23:38 Only 2 hours to get a fulcrum swing rope long enough to Tarzan between sky scrapers and a parachute to escape with once he does it. Good thing Shanghai has an all-night 24-hour fulcrum swing rope and parachute store.

1:25:35 And an automatic tennis ball launcher.

1:28:09 Maggie Q is such a delight to look at.

1:35:21 Why did Ethan have to drink the magic potion to blackout? The evil doers should’ve just jabbed him with a magic button like they did his wife.

1:35:31 Maybe it’s so he can hallucinate about Michelle Monaghan’s cute navel.

1:36:33 Abrams  isn’t gonna replay the whole freaking scene from the beginning, is he? What, is he getting paid by the minute?

1:37:25 Hmm, I wonder if the torture scene from the beginning is going to have a different outcome and that’s why he’s making me watch it all again. #Notholdingmybreath

138:28 Told you I didn’t trust Whitey.

1:39:08 Have I mentioned how much I hate this mask shite? #deus-ex-maskina

1:42:37 He can open handcuffs in 2 seconds with a syringe? Do bad guys buy their supplies in the Wal-Mart toy department?

1:45:03 Tom Cruise runs like a girl robot.

"Where can I get a signal?!"

1:48:10 Maybe it’s Laurence Fishburne in a mask and not your wife! Pull on her face first, Tom Cruise. Or someplace more fun.

1:48:56 Michelle Monaghan… M&M… putting the “hot” back in “hostage”.

1:51:04 Very cool way to eliminate Philip Seymour Hoffman. Lifting him up to get smashed by an oncoming truck while it passes over you.

1:54:31 M&M has killer aim. For a nurse.

1:55:22 I wonder if she saves him at the last minute or if this is the one where Ethan dies. #lol

Michelle Monoghan had to carry Tom Cruise for the entire movie

Tally Ho’

  • WTF!?’s: 9
  • When to Follow: Watch M:I3 when–and this will happen at least once more in your life–you start going through Michelle Monaghan withdrawals.
  • What To Feedback: Choose your poison…

1. In the Comments section, match the tag to the actor:

GLBT Anonymous

Bonus points given for justifications!

2. Caption This!

In the Comments section, write a caption for this photo…


Left Over WTF (Way Too Funny) Photos

"Still can't get a signal!"
"Can you reach down and pull my head out of my ass?"
Guess Who Tapped That
"Tom Cruise is hot, on my tail."
"Where's his damn wallet?"
"Holy Gods, there's no way all of this will fit up there."
Turns out it fits after all!
Jonathan Rhys Meyers: The 'Boy' in 'Tom Boy'
My God but she's gorgeous...and Michelle's pretty hot, too.
"I am NOT going to pay roaming charges."

7 thoughts on “WTF: Mission: Impossible III

    1. Sweet Dreams!

      Sorry! Didn’t mean to offend! Sometimes I become too witty for my own good. Of course they’re talented actors, I was just trying to get a laugh. Thanks for playing along!

      Want to try and take a shot at captioning the photo?

      WTF (Watch the Film), Dreams!


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