WTF: The Kingdom

Welcome to 'I Ran'

Spoiler Alert:

Don’t read any further if you haven’t seen this movie. You’ll find out everything that happens and you won’t understand any of my super funny jokes.

"How can you call this a party? There's no stripper, no keg, and the tunes? Where's the Men At Work?"

This popped up on my SVOD channel and I don’t know why I hadn’t heard of it! It’ll be something to watch while I back up my computer to an external hard drive because my old computer is deader than Crispin Glover’s career and I have to transfer the files to the new computer…

0:01:52 Interesting history of the Middle East oil situation as opening credits. Stylish and educational exposition.

"Anyone seen my drool bib?"

0:03:58 A good ole American softball game.

0:04:15 Uh-oh someone’s looking at the Americans through binoculars. Nothing good ever comes from watching someone through binocs. No one’s ever said, “Hey, I was watching you through my binoculars just now and I want to give you a lot of cash.”

0:04:54 There’s Foxxie Jamie.

0:06:32 Bad looking guys in Saudi army uniforms and another gent in a tablecloth hat (with the binoculars) is making his son watch the scene, so there’s probably some nasty action coming. Or he wants to challenge the fat guys to a softball championship.

0:06:46. Yeah, they just shot two guys and now everyone’s freaking out. It’s going to get uglier before Jennifer Garner makes it prettier.

0:08:24 The real Saudi cop just rammed into the bad guys’ jeep and shot them. Nice beginning so far. Lots of action.

0:08:39 Another fake cop was guiding all the people towards him to escape and when the mob listened to him he said something about Allah and detonated a crapload of bombs.

0:09:27 They’re calling the Foxx.

0:11:15 Holy War, Batman! In the middle of the early evening trauma, with all the dead and dying and those trying to help them, another explosion erased all the people off the face of the parking lot.

"And this is what happened after the last party at the Bar None..."

0:11:49 F. B. I. (Foxx Boy Incredulous) is explaining what happened to the room and he’s getting choked up. When he tells them their buddy died it chokes me up, especially when Jennifer Garner starts crying, too. In the middle of the meeting! Then Foxx pauses the meeting while he heroes over there to console her. I think one of the reasons the scene works so well is that there’s no music, so the scene is like a naked girl afraid to stand in the light.

0:14:07 The Saudi Army is torturing the guy we thought was the good Saudi cop. I’m not really a fan of torture scenes. They’re just too easy. It’s a facile way to elicit sympathy from the viewer. Also, it reminds me of marriage.

"This is *not* a suppository inserter."

0:16:24 It’s Richard Whats-his-name! I like him enough to learn his name one day. [Richard Jenkins!]

0:17:53 Jennifer garners awards for her lips.

0:19:28 More lazy film making. This time it’s showing the little kid of the dead FBI agent. Maybe next scene will be the head terrorist stomping on puppy skulls.

"Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?" on the road in Iran.

Finished setting up the new computer and now I have some time to continue this with the wife in the other room watching “Northern Exposure” reruns and my son hasn’t got back from his mother’s yet.

0:24:20 I know a lot of people aren’t big fans of handcams but I think it’s working with here. Better than that one Greengrass movie this one reminds me of because it wasn’t as good. [Green Zone.]

0:28:24 Terrorists crack me up. They say, “Go in peace,” but they mean, “Go in pieces.”

0:30:43 The directing is really good in this. I should find out who he/she is. [Peter Berg]

"Psst, hey, excuse me... Dude, hey: You're. Wearing. A. Dress."

0:34:57

Dialing down the Boobs

The only thing that really matters is, how do you want to go out? On your feet or on your knees.

Amen, FBI guy.

0:36:53 Embassy dweeb to Jennifer Garner when the Saudi prince arrives and a sentence you’ll be repeating to yourself all day.

“We’ve got to dial down those boobies.”

Saudi Arabia is no friend to boobies.

0:54:51 An Apache Helicopter convoy down the streets of Saudi Arabia. “Striking” images. Looks like it was filmed in country, but above all, it look damn real. [Filmed in Abu Dhabi.]

1:00:38 Nice detective/crime investigation scenes as well, in addition to the good action scenes. Where has this movie been hiding?

1:12:34 Nice editing when they switch between an interior and exterior so you assume it’s the same location but it isn’t.

1:16:49 Excellent car bomb explosion detonation on the road but Jamie Foxx saw it coming action scene. Very well put together. #LikeJenniferGarner

1:19:24 Followed immediately by a kick ass car chase. Are you getting this!?

1:23:35 An intense gun battle to rescue Jason Bateman (what? it could happen) and you can’t even fault the movie for having the Americans save the locals themselves because they have Saudi cops helping out.

Bateman's School of Belly Dancing

1:28:13 Holy Wow.

1:33:41 Of course the local is red shirted. No Americans can die but a Saudi good guy death is acceptable and adds a sense of realism. You want to impress me? Kill off a lead American good guy.

1:34:51 This movie is Blackhawk Down meets The Hurt Locker. On the battlefield. And they make War Love. Then this is their baby.

Thanksgiving Day Parade in Dubai

Tally Ho’

  • WTF!?’s: I don’t know. Less than 2? Let’s say 1 big one.
  • When to Follow: When your ass feels like being kicked by a movie.
  • What To Feedback: Caption This!
?????????????????????

In the Comments section, write a caption for this photo to win unbelievable prizes. Seriously, you’ll win and you’ll say, “I don’t believe this sh*t.”

Left Over WTF (Way Too Funny) Photos

When Babies Write Name Tags
"The bullet holes are going to affect the Blue Book value."
"Told you I could 'hit the road'."
"All the coke fell out of my nose!"
"Go ahead. One more "Elektra" joke. Go ahead."
The Swiss Cheese Bullet Proof Vest
"1,000,000 bottles of beer on the wall, 1,000,000 bottles of beer..."

3 thoughts on “WTF: The Kingdom

  1. “Don’t read any further if you haven’t seen this movie. You’ll find out everything that happens and you won’t understand any of my super funny jokes.”

    SEE?!?! This is exactly why I don’t come & read these very often. I read that sentence you always put in here, and probably 90% of the time it is a movie I have not seen, since these are the ones you watch on your tablet in bed as I am already sleeping, and since I like to follow rules, I read that sentence and click away!!!!

    Hmmmm, has me thinking, though. Maybe you could actually start re-telling the movie in your own unique way so that someone like me could have fun reading this. As it is, it is true: unless someone has seen the movie (and remembered what was in it), frankly, these posts do not make a helluva lot of sense. I vote for silly re-tellings of the film, your style!! Might be a lot more work, though, huh. Anyway, it could be a lot more fun to read when someone has not actually seen the film.

    Just my 2 cents. Make me & others want to come here to read when we have not seen the film, eh?

    Like

  2. Great idea! I’ll give that a whirl with my next post, shall I?

    BTW, I found this movie on SVOD, not on my tablet. I watched it in front of the real TV, like in the olden days!

    WTF, Mrs Demeanor!

    Like

    1. Ah, that’s right, it was SVOD. I remember you said it was a good one, too. I should check it out.

      I’m glad you think the above is a good idea. I’m thinking funny summaries could be just your kind of thing! 🙂

      Like

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