I shall be investigating Insidious intently, inspecting its intentions, infiltrating its insinuations and invading its … enigma. So read on only if you have already seen Insidious or don’t plan to.
0:01:37 The old woman ghost with a candle in (what we will later learn is) young Josh’s room is creepy, but the dramatic violin music is ridiculous. I want to scream…with laughter.
0:04:48 With extra long opening credits, a first scene featuring a snoring chap (Patrick Wilson as Josh Lambert) and his yawning wife (Rose Byrne as Renai Lambert), this may very well be the most boring beginning ever to a horror film. Wake me up when I should cover my eyes, won’t you?
0:06:07 Mother and 8-year-old son have matching pyjamas. That’s the creepiest thing I’ve seen in a long time.
0:08:40 So it begins. The ghosts put the mother’s books on the floor. So, it begins slowly.
0:13:01 One of their two little boys decides to explore the attic because he heard a strange noise coming from there and it’s night and there are no lights. WTF!? Balls bigger than his brain, that one.
0:18:18 If a scary thing happens in a house and no one is awake to see it, is it really scary?
0:19:14 Dalton, the oldest boy child, is in a coma with no explanation. Blame either ghosts or the lack of action in this film.
Then I’m going to lubricate the end of the tube that I’m going to insert about 4 inches.
Nurse explaining Dalton’s feeding tube to the mother
Could be the script for The Sexorcist. Or Pair-of-Normals Activity. The Oh-man! Naughty Mary on Elle’s Teat?
0:21:52 While writing bad songs, the mother hears a man’s voice coming over the baby monitor. He might be saying, “Don’t give up your day job.”
0:22:19 WTF!? She walks around trying to locate the voice when it can only be coming from the room that has the other baby monitor! She’s blonder than her hair.
0:27:06 I should move to film-land and open a shop that sells doors with peep-holes.
0:27:57 The man standing behind a thin curtain in the baby’s room startled me but good. Renai calls her husband in a panic. When he arrives, however, her figure is gone like a woman after having a baby. [Oh please, like you’re not laughing.]
0:28:27 Their second son is called Foster, which means they deliberately have a ‘Foster child’.
0:30:19 Lol, check out the drawing of Jigsaw on the blackboard!
0:30:32 The father is afraid to go home so he calls his wife with a poor excuse. The scariest thing in this film is how bad of a father and husband he is.
0:32:35 Ooh, a bloody hand print at the bottom of Coma Boy’s sheet! That’ll will be difficult to wash out.
0:35:09 The difference between men and women: Bad dad comes home late again from work and the wife launches a 5-minute tirade in which she berates him to make him feel guilty for not being present. Only after she’s finished ranting, does she show him the bloody sheet with the devil print she had next to her the whole time. If the roles had been reversed, as soon as the mum had come home, the man would’ve shown her the bloody sheet. Even before saying, “You need to wash this.”
0:37:18 Not too proud to say that scare have me literal goose bumps. A stranger walking in the house came into the bedroom and reached for the woman.
0:37:38 Please explain to me why it is the family remains in this house where all the drama is acting up?
0:38:19 Lol! No sooner so I write that and less than a minute later they’re moving into a new house! (Let’s try this, then, shall we? “Please explain to me why it is I don’t have Johnny Depp’s number and a Swiss bank account?” I’ll let you know how that works out for me.)
0:40:25 Renai steps outside of the new house and the demonic spirits scratch her vinyl record. An unnecessary evil.
0:41:20 Holy shite, there’s a ghost boy running around her house in the middle of the day and she’s going after it. Hell, as it is I don’t like living children all that much…
0:43:12 The ghost of a historic little lad in black and white jumps out of the closet, and Renai sinks to the floor and begins crying. Dear, if you didn’t want to find him, you shouldn’t have looked for him for so long.
0:46:18 Just when the film was boring us into a false sense of security, there was another startling moment that made my hairs prickle when Lorraine (Barbara Hershey as John’s mother) saw a demon in a ridiculous costume hiding behind her son.
0:47:26 Lorraine introduces the family to a ‘household cleanser’ (like the midget in Poltergeist or the Warner’s–who, coincidentally, Patrick Wilson portrayed as well– in The Conjuring). We’re also subjected to comic relief in the form of a Laurel and Hardy type Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber who were sent ahead to scout the house.
0:49:49 The worst part is knowing something startling is going to happen, but not knowing when.
0:50:28 Elise Rainier (Lin Shaye) arrives and she says she knew Josh when he was younger because his mother (Barbara Hershey) and her were friends. Which probably means there’s a link between his childhood and the haunting they’re experiencing now, especially as Josh doesn’t remember her.
0:55:27 Dalton astral travels in his sleep like an interstellar hobo, and he traveled so far that he got lost (hence the coma, which is no more than his abandoning his body like a sticky hand puppet). He is lost in a place called The Further, which is dark and full of tortured souls (think Soho after 11pm).
0:58:22 The husband’s forgotten all that he’s seen and has become a sceptic again. A man’s lack of long term memory explains so much about their second marriages.
1:01:55 Elise has to wear an elephant’s gas mask for a seance. WTF!?
1:07:25 During the seance, the old woman is attacked by monsters and passes out while Dalton is possessed by evil. If you ever find yourself wondering if a seance might be a good idea, remember: No Seance.
1:10:09 The reveal I predicted at 50:28 comes to pass. Josh went through the same thing when he was Dalton’s age and Elise helped his mother back then.
1:11:53 When Josh was a tot, an old woman ghost used to photo bomb all of his pictures. Seriously, if you have this type of physical evidence that there are ghosts, wouldn’t you tell The Sun or New York Post?
1:12:40 Because the dad can astral project, I bet they send him into The Further after the kid. Like a proctologist rescuing a gerbil.
You’ve always been stronger than me.
Renai to her husband
Not since the start of this film he hasn’t.
1:15:29 Josh made it into The Further. They have very bad lighting there.
Now go outside. Let my voice be your guide.
And then she shuts up.
1:19:09 Earlier, Elise told him not to draw attention to himself because if they realised he wasn’t one of them, they would come for his physical body. Now he’s accosting every spirit he sees and calling out in every room, as subtle as an American at a garden party.
1:22:44 At a red door similar to one Dalton had drawn, Josh gets in a fight with an evil spirit. Like trying to get into an exclusive club and you’re wearing denim.
1:33:27 Instead of going back inside his body, Josh decides to hang out with the old woman ghost that stank up his childhood. Perhaps he’s got a penchant for arse and old lace.
1:34:30 Everybody’s made it back into their own body, with enough time to spare for a twist ending.
1:37:00 The twist is that the old woman took over Josh’s body. Ironically, after all the pictures she forced herself into, we learn she doesn’t like her photo taken.
1:37:41 Josh’s body killed Elise by choking her. Serves her right for her lack of spiritual guidance when Josh was in The Further.
1:38:52 After Renai learns from Elise’s camera that the old woman beat Josh back to his body, ‘Josh’ puts his hand on Renai’s shoulder and the film ends.
- WTF!?’s: 6 insidious ones
- When to Follow: When on a date with someone you haven’t decided is significant or other