WTF: Carrie (2013)

Carrie 02 (Saint Pauly WTF)
Carrie 01 poster (Saint Pauly WTF)
Keep Calm and Carrie On

Spoiler Alert:

I shall be analysing all the bloody action in Carrie, testing it cel by cel to determine if the film is A Positive or O! Negative. So read on only if you have already seen Carrie or don’t plan to.

Carrie 03 (Saint Pauly WTF)
Nostril Inspection

0:01:01 Screams coming from someone locked in a closet. I didn’t know Bradley Cooper was in this film.

0:01:43 Oops, it’s not Bradley Cooper in the closet, it’s Mrs White (Julianne Moore) in her bed, unaware she’s giving birth. To be fair, these two sounds are very similar.

0:04:19 Fast forward to Chloë Grace Moretz as a teen in swimming class. She’s as sexy in that one-piece as a hand in an oven mitt.

Carrie 02 (Saint Pauly WTF)
“Don’t worry, you’ll get a set of your own one day.”

0:05:57 It’s Judy Greer whom I liked in 13 Going On 30 and that one episode of House. She plays the girls’ PE coach, but isn’t quite man enough.

0:07:12 If Carrie is that shy about taking a shower in public, why do it? I went through my entire secondary education without once bathing in front of other students… at school. #winkwink

0:10:12 Of course it’s impossible not to compare the original shower scene to this one (like some football matches: the first period was better than the second–give that crack a minute to sink in) but the first version was so new and shocking that it was more powerful than this one.

0:11:56 Carrie explodes the water cooler when there’s mention of calling her mother. Tough day, right after the onset of her menses, her water breaks.

0:12:03 One of my problems with this film is Carrie’s hair. Why would a religious fanatic mother dye her daughter’s hair ginger? Why would anyone?

Carrie 03 (Saint Pauly WTF)
No more mind games at school

0:12:57 Horribly sadistic sharing of mobile phone videos of schoolmate’s suffering. Adolescence: never again.

0:14:48 Carrie is beginning to understand she can control things with her mind. Like most girls; except with Carrie, it’s not just boys.

0:17:43 Mrs White forces Carrie into a Harry Potter closet under the stairs for a spell.

0:19:12 There are 1 1/2 girls tormenting Carrie. The full 1 is Chris (Portia Doubleday), a brunette with hair as bad as her attitude, and the ½ is a blonde (Sue, as played by Gabriella Wilde) who quickly feels bad for Carrie. At the moment, she is having sex in a car and thinking about Carrie. But in the guilty way, not in the mental sex image library way.

Carrie 05 (Saint Pauly WTF)
Girl gone Wilde

0:20:40 House party with brilliant not-house music: Hanni El Khatib – Come Alive. Do yourself a favour and watch the video (or not, I already listen to it so I’m set).

0:21:43 Chris uploads to YouTube the video of Carrie panicking through menarche (oh look it up, Neanderthal) and suddenly I’m into the film like Bradley Cooper is in the closet because I want to see Chris punished.

0:22:00 Julianne Moore singing.

0:23:48

Are you gonna get him a boutonnière, or are you just gonna pin a bloody tampon to his lapel?

Coach to Chris discussing prom on the football pitch

0:25:45 The PE teacher suspends Chris and thus Chris is no longer going to prom. Quick, name one American film with teenagers that doesn’t mention ‘prom’.

Carrie 06 (Saint Pauly WTF)
“Hey Judy Greer, did you get a bowl of soup and a place to sleep with that haircut?”

0:26:35 Chris tries, unsuccessfully, to lead a mutiny of the bountiful.

0:27:30 Carrie goes into the Ladies’ and breaks a mirror with either her mind or her looks.

0:29:28 Carrie reads a beautiful poem badly and the teacher joins in the mocking because he’s hot for one of his students. Also known as ‘Grading on the Curves’.

This unfrequented place to find some ease, ease to the body some, none to the mind.

Times past and what once I was and what am now, O wherefore was my birth from heaven foretold.

Twice by an angel, who at last in sight of both my parents, all in flames ascended.

Excerpts from John Milton’s “Samson Agonistes (Samson the Wrestler)

0:32:10 Mrs White secretly digs sewing implements into her own leg while talking to people. Maybe she’ll be able to do her own stitches.

Carrie 07 (Saint Pauly WTF)
“There must be an easier way to trim my nails.”

0:37:56 Carrie’s mother catches her in bed alone, playing with her powers. Like when you were young, beneath the covers with the underwear section of the Debenhams’ catalogue.

0:38:35

After what we did to her, I have to do something. I have to do something that counts.

Sue tells her boyfriend to take Carrie White to prom

Correct me if I’m wrong, but you’re asking your boyfriend to take her to prom, so technically he’s the one doing something that counts.

Carrie 08 (Saint Pauly WTF)
“No, Tommy, it does *not* look like a cervix.”

0:43:22

I see a beautiful young woman. And if you wear a little make-up…

PE teacher talking to Carrie

Funny, when I say this women are offended.

0:45:59 Sue’s boyfriend (Ansel Elgort as Tommy Ross) goes to Carrie’s house to insist on prom and mentions that the poem she read in class is about Sampson, the biblical bloke who brought down the temple when he was angry at the town, like at an Old Testament prom. This idea makes Carrie say ‘yes’.

0:49:44 Carrie and her mother get in a fight, so Carrie lifts all the furniture in the air and drops it. If things don’t work out scholastically for Carrie, she has quite a career ahead of her in furniture removal.

Carrie 09 (Saint Pauly WTF)
“Oh my God, that tickles!”

0:51:29 Chris and her ‘bad’ boyfriend who wouldn’t last 5 minutes in Brixton, go to collect pig’s blood for the prank. They killed the wrong pig, it should’ve been the one she was dating.

0:53:42 If you throw up in your mouth, how far can you run to spit it out? Sue can can climb down a ladder, cross a gym, run down a corridor, find the toilets and scamper into a stall. She could teach English girls a thing or two.

Carrie 19 (Saint Pauly WTF)

0:56:22 The lads do look spiffy as they shop for clothes for prom. Makes me wish I was an American girl…

0:57:11

I can see your dirty pillows. Everyone will.

Mrs White to Carrie when seeing her low cut dress

0:58:15 The lad comes to pick her up in a limo, and like everything else in this film, it’s a stretch.

1:02:51 Judy Greer dances like Rocky.

Carrie Judy Greer Dance GIF (WTF Saint Pauly) text

1:05:01 Carrie and Tommy slow dance to a nice song. The soundtrack to this film is well chosen. The very very lovely ‘Dust to Dust’ by The Civil Wars.

1:07:35 Chris sneaks in through the back door (not a Bradley Cooper joke) and climbs onto the lighting over the stage with her boyfriend. Security regulations must be pre-911.

Carrie 10 (Saint Pauly WTF)
Knows the ropes so will pull some strings

1:09:18 The entire film ridicules Mrs White’s extremist religious beliefs, but at the prom Tommy Ross says, “To the devil with false modesty,” (a typical phrase in American high school, I’m sure) and Carrie repeats “To the devil.” Then gets a paper cut and bleeds in premonition.

1:09:54

YOUR GIRL LOOKS GOOD. SHE WON’T FOR LONG.

Chris sends Sue a text

WTF!? Sue gets the text out of the shower and takes the time to dry off, get dressed and run out of the house, rather than calling Tommy who is with Carrie, to tell him to watch out? It would seem English girls use their mobile phones more often than Americans.

Carrie 11 (Saint Pauly WTF)
“I bet she’s checking out my ass, again!”

1:10:07 The ballot box for Prom King & Queen is stuffed like a girl’s formal dress.

1:13:08 The spilling of blood. Repeatedly. And in slow motion. Not a blood bath but a blood shower. The blood bath is for later.

1:13:54 Now they show the shower room video on the big screen. Where is Mrs Desjardin now? Why doesn’t Tommy take Carrie away? What is Carrie waiting for to start the blood bath? Why is Tommy telling her to wait when she runs off the stage? He wants her to keep standing up there all covered in blood? So many questions, so little death and devastation.

1:14:33 Mrs Desjardin approaches to help Carrie but, Carrie pushes her away with her mind games, reminding me of my last relationship.

1:14:38 As Chris and her boyfriend escape, the bucket falls and hits Tommy on the head. He didn’t kick it, but he kicked the bucket.

1:15:32 Nice effect, the blood is falling up.

Carrie Blood Rise GIF (WTF Saint Pauly) text

1:15:48 Let the destruction commence.

1:15:50 Now Sue decides it’s the ‘right time’ to use her phone, if the right time is ‘too late’.

Here’s how the people who hurt Carrie die.

1:15:53

Carrie 01 Ginger GIF (WTF Saint Pauly) text
Ginger gets face plant

1:16:18

Carrie 02 Guy GIF (WTF Saint Pauly) text
Accomplice lad is just crushed

1:16:51

Carrie 03 Twins GIF (WTF Saint Pauly) text
Twins are walked all over

1:17:28

Carrie 04 Brunette Shocked GIF (WTF Saint Pauly) text
Brunette is shocked and then burned out

1:20:41 Chris and boyfriend try to run Carrie over, but she puts a force field around herself so the car crashes. Billy dies, but Chris has injuries too minor to be called minor.

1:22:14 Chris goes through the windscreen in slow motion and her face is stuck in the glass. Not science but cinema.

Carrie 05 Chris Face Off GIF (WTF Saint Pauly) text
Chris gets defaced

1:23:27 Carrie returns home because her religious nut mother was right from the beginning. Apparently, the film agrees with Mrs White’s fanaticism more than it’s letting on.  That’s the real message of the film. You should always listen to your dangerously insane and abusive elders.

1:25:43 Whenever anyone hugs you with one hand, always ask to see what’s in the other. Carrie wisdom.

1:27:19 It was a knife, BTW. Carrie found it. With her back.

1:29:03 Carrie crucifies her mother using all the sharp objects in the house. That’ll teach mum to be right all the time about everything.

1:31:43 Carrie brings the house down. Carrie doesn’t.

Carrie 12 (Saint Pauly WTF)
Going through a tough period

1:32:11 While dying, Carrie tells Sue the baby is a girl. One way to find out you’re pregnant.

1:35:37 While Sue is giving birth, Carrie’s hand comes out of Sue’s vagina. Dream sequences are for directors who sleep on the job.

1:35:57 Roll credits to Cults – I Can Hardly Make You Mine.

Carrie 13 (Saint Pauly WTF)
Her Morning Period

Bottom line: This film suffers from being a remake. There is no suspense because we already know what will happen so we just find ourselves waiting in the traffic jam of exposition for the film to get moving and take us where it’s going.

Tally Ho’

  • WTF!?’s: 7 bloody times
  • When to Follow: If you haven’t seen the original

[NOTE: Jordan, a loyal reader, has pointed out in the comments below that this version is far different from director Kimberly Peirce’s vision. Consequently, I have signed an on-line petition to get the Director’s Cut of Carrie released. If you’re interested in supporting this cause, you’ll find the petition here.]

All GIFs used in this review were created with the Imgflip online meme generator

Left Over WTF (Way Too Funny) Photos

Carrie 14 (Saint Pauly WTF)
Already regrets her new tattoo
Carrie 15 (Saint Pauly WTF)
“Fluffing your pillows, are you Carrie?”
Carrie 16 (Saint Pauly WTF)
“We can’t go on like this. It’s not me – it’s you.”
Carrie 16 (Saint Pauly WTF)
“Go get your own Carrie! This one’s mine!”

Prints suitable for reposting!

Carrie 18 demotivational (Saint Pauly WTF)

What to Follow Up

Kick-Ass-2-Review-Logo
Fernby Films review of another film with Chloë Grace Moretz
house-at-the-end-of-the-street-01-poster-wtf-watch-the-film
WTF Review of House at the End of the Street
all-the-boys-love-mandy-lane-01-poster-saint-pauly-wtf
WTF review of All the Boys Love Mandy Lane

7 thoughts on “WTF: Carrie (2013)

  1. Watched this last week. You nailed it. Again.

    What a waste of time and effort. Didn’t mind the hand-out-of-the-vagina bit at the end, though. That was funny.

    What? It wasn’t meant to be funny?

    Fuck.

    Like

    1. You, kind sir, are far too kind!

      A disappointment to be sure, but do you really think the hand out of the woman’s snare was meant to recreate the hand from the grave in the original? Surely they jest!

      WTF, Sir Rodney,

      Saint Pauly

      Like

  2. Here’s a bit of information regarding the film…

    Having read the original screenplay by Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, I can safely say that the original script didn’t follow the same structure as the 1976 film. Yes, there were a few homages here and there, but it was a whole new take on the story. Before the film was delayed in January 2013, there was a lot of positive feedback from those who attended the first test screenings in December 2012. A number of people confirmed that the original cut was longer and a lot different than the theatrical cut. I remember watching a video on YouTube where two guys reviewed the film (without giving away spoilers) based on what they saw at the test screenings. They confirmed that the film was a lot different to Brian De Palma’s film and was more closer to the Stephen King novel. I personally believe that the studios interfered with the editing of the film. The theatrical cut wasn’t what Kimberly Peirce wanted to release in theatres. It’s like they re-cut the film and gave us a remake of Brian De Palma’s film. I knew it wasn’t Kimberly’s voice in the movie — it was the studios.

    A friend of mine, who is a filmmaker, gave their two cents as to what might have happened…

    The original cut was all ready to go in March, then the studios looked at the release date and thought they could make more money on “Carrie” during the Halloween season. So they demanded re-shoots to make it more Horror. Re-edits to make it a generic Horror film. Push it out at Halloween to make a quick buck. It would explain why the writer of the 1976 film was credited after the 2013 film was delayed — they re-shot a lot of scenes from the 1976 screenplay. Obviously a Halloween release would sound appropriate for the film, but it would have involved a lot of re-editing to fit the running time. The downside to the re-shoots and re-edits is that a lot of scenes would have to be dropped or trimmed to fit the required running time by the studios. The shorter the film, the more viewing sessions the film has.

    Based on fan speculation, test audience feedback, and certain confirmed details concerning the film — the deleted and/or extended scenes include:

    -The original opening was a flashback of Carrie as a little girl spying through a fence on a female neighbor who is sunbathing. The young woman notices Carrie and starts to make conversation with her. Carrie tells her that she can see her “dirty pillows” and the neighbor explains to her that it is normal for women to develop breasts when they get older. That’s when Margaret White appears and snatches up Carrie, screaming and yelling at the neighbor. She calls the young lady a whore, telling her to stay away from her child, and Carrie gets upset and begins to cry. Suddenly, it starts hailing. Pellets of ice come down on top of Carrie’s home while Margaret runs into the house trying to console her daughter. The neighbor just stares in disbelief as the hail rains down on the White residence, and only the White residence.

    -The White Commission [The film had integrated several courtroom scenes with witnesses giving testimonies of their experiences with Carrie White leading to the prom incident, essentially structuring the film as a series of flashbacks and recollections. The neighbor from the alternate opening scene is shown at first, now an adult woman, recounting her experience. There is also a scene featuring a TK Specialist discussing telekinesis and saying something to the effect of Carrie being one of many people who may be born with this genetic anomaly. It’s been said that the White Commission scenes revealed too many prom survivors which the filmmaker’s felt spoiled the climax]

    -There was ‘found footage’ that played a role in the film. That’s why you see Freddy ‘Beak’ Holt carrying his camera around and filming everything.

    -There was more scenes detailing more in depth character development.

    -There was more scenes involving school life, social media and bullying.

    -“Wipe that smile off your face.” – Chris to Carrie at the pool.

    -Chris and Tina kiss [Extended]

    -Scenes involving Facebook, the e-mail sent from Chris to Donna Kellogg. “So I’m out of prom and my [censored] father says he won’t give them what they deserve.”

    -Billy’s wild ride [The “blowjob scene” – similar to the 1976 version]

    -An interaction between Chris and Carrie outside the dress shop.

    -The confrontation between Sue and the mean girls

    -Carrie levitates Margaret [Extended]

    -Drive to the pig farm [Extended]

    -After Tommy leaves the table to get some drinks, Carrie and Miss Desjardin have a friendly and meaningful conversation.

    -Carrie and Tommy kiss.

    -Billy kisses Chris.

    -Margaret claws her way out of the closet and goes over to the sink where she retrieves a butcher knife and cuts herself.

    -Sue tries to call Tommy from outside the school to warn him that something bad is about to happen. He rejects the call.

    -The prom scene as a whole, which was said to be longer and more violent than the theatrical version.

    -Tina on fire [Extended]

    -A scene or shot which reveals George’s and Erika’s fate.

    -There were some really creepy stuff that was unfortunately cut during post-production, like some “dancing” dead students. My source is not completely certain about this detail or its placement within the film. But it was either in a deleted scene where Carrie snaps the limbs of prom-goers or during the electrocution scene which was supposed to be more graphic and longer. In the novel, it was described as a “crazy puppet dance”.

    -The scene of Carrie levitating outside of the burning school was actually re-shot. In the original version of that scene, Carrie was standing in the centre of the lawn, waiting for the remaining students to come out of the burning school before telekinetically picking them off one by one.

    -After Carrie leaves the school, she begins to destroy part of the town by causing explosions, bringing down power lines as she follows Billy and Chris. You can see a few seconds of it from the aerial view. If you look behind Carrie, you can see that several cars are in flames.

    -When Sue is outside the school with Miss Desjardin, she sees Tommy’s body being carried out on a stretcher. Miss Desjardin tells Sue that she’s sorry and Sue walks away with determination to find Carrie.

    -Margaret’s original death scene – possibly similar to the book version which depicts a heart attack caused by Carrie’s power.

    -The multiple endings

    1) The first ending is very similar to the ending of the 1976 film but without the final twist: Sue Snell actually gets killed when Carrie pulls her into the ground.

    2) The second ending is an exact replica of the original film where Snell gets pulled into the ground by Carrie but wakes up in her bed to find it’s just a dream.

    3) The third ending is after Carrie saves Sue by pushing her out of the house, which collapses from the falling stones. There’s a bird’s eye view of the wreckage of what used to be Carrie’s home before we get a quick CGI zoom through a pit of debris, to a close-up of a now bloodied Carrie snapping her eyes open.

    4) The fourth ending is of Sue making a final speech to the court where she says the line heard in the teaser trailer about Carrie being just a girl, not a monster. This is spoken over scenes of Sue and her family visiting the cemetery. Sue goes to Carrie’s grave, which shows the headstone tagged up and vandalized. She leaves her flowers and just walks away. Nothing scary, just a very somber closing shot of the headstone.

    5) The fifth ending is after Carrie’s house is destroyed by the falling stones, the movie flashes forward to several months later. We see Sue in the hospital surrounded by doctors and nurses, ready to give birth. They’re trying to calm her down but Sue begins to struggle, saying she feels something is wrong. Suddenly, a very bloody hand (covered in afterbirth) erupts from between Sue’s legs, reaching up and gripping her arm. She screams in terror and we see that she is having a nightmare, being held down by her parents while the camera pans over to a wall where we are shown a large crucifix hanging in her room.

    6) The sixth ending is described as a “morning after voice over” by Sue Snell as we see the town coping with what happened.

    7) The seventh ending shows the town the morning after Carrie’s attack filled with news crews, reporters, and cops talking about the whole thing. What’s bizarre about this scene is that Carrie’s destruction of the city is being described as “a conspiracy.” Apparently the town is “trying to cover up what really happened.”

    Like

    1. Jordan!

      Bravo, my good man! I shall be starting a slow clap in your honour as soon as enough people are present.

      A truly fascinating look at this film. It answers many questions I had (such as why Freddy was filming everything) and makes me wish we could have seen the director’s original version. It sounds so much better than this one.

      As for the ending, the first one you listed above is my favorite, and thus the one I would have liked to have seen. What about you?

      Thank you again for this magnificent comment. I’m honoured you chose to share it here.

      WTF!? Jordan (Watch the Film),

      Saint Pauly

      Like

      1. Hahahaha, I’m not sure if you’re being genuine or being sarcastic…

        In regards to the director’s original version…

        There is an online petition for a Director’s Cut to be released, but, let’s face it, the studios won’t release one. The petition has gained over 6,000+ signatures (I think?), so I’m curious to see how that will turn out.

        As for the ending…

        In my opinion, Carrie is not your typical horror story. Having a final jump scare just diminishes the point of the story. It cheapens it. Since it’s more of a character-driven story, I see it as a Drama (maybe Thriller?) with elements of Horror. Yes, Stephen King’s work is known as “Horror”, but the story of Carrie just doesn’t fit into the Horror genre by today’s standards. Lawrence D. Cohen and Brian De Palma took the novel and turned it into a generic Horror film. I think that’s why a lot of people have classified the story as “Horror” — it’s implanted in their mind. If you dissect the novel layer by layer, you will see that it’s a tragedy culminating to a horrific event. And what’s scary is the realism of the story: religious fanaticism, sexuality, bullying, abuse, revenge, etc. How many incidents have we seen in the past where people, who have been abused, take matters into their own hands after being pushed too far? It’s a timeless story that fits in any era.

        To answer your question…

        In my opinion, I think a sombre ending would have been fitting for the remake. Maybe endings 4, 6 and 7? I dunno. I don’t know if you’ve read the novel, but I would have loved to have seen the ending depicted in the remake. It definitely has a little twist of its own…

        Over all…

        I just think it’s a shame that the studios heavily butchered Kimberly’s original version of the film. What was the main complaint from critics and the general audience? There was nothing new. They raped her version and served it with a big black dildo up its butt.

        And what sucks is that a lot of people don’t know what was cut…

        Welcome to Hollywood!

        Like

        1. Jordan, my friend!

          Alas, I can see as how my praises might be misconstrued as sarcasm, especially when one reads my writing, but I assure you, I’m very impressed by the articulate way you express some fascinating ideas. Truth be told, I’m a little relieved by your explanation, as I had high hopes for Peirce’s version and was disappointed with the turns it took. It’s nice knowing she had nothing to do with that.

          I’ve signed the petition to have the Director’s Cut released (the petition is here) and will also link it in the review. Thanks so much for bringing it to my attention.

          Thank you once again, sincerely, for your thoughtful and thought provoking comments.

          WTF Jordan (Watch the Film),

          Saint Pauly

          Like

  3. Pauly, my dear Saint!

    I would like to thank you for clearing that up for me. Much appreciated! Having read your scene-by-scene review, I was pretty much in hysterics most of the time. You, sir, should write comedy!

    I genuinely do understand where you’re coming from though. Just like every avid fan of the story, I was expecting a whole new take on the Stephen King novel. Having read every article and followed every update of the making of the film, I know for a fact the filmmakers had something different in mind. Sadly, the theatrical cut was virtually a scene-by-scene remake of Brian De Palma’s 1976 film. When the Blu-ray was announced, I was excited to see the Deleted/Alternate Scenes on the list of Special Features. Upon receiving the Blu-ray, I was genuinely disappointed at the lack of deleted scenes because I knew there was a lot more than what we were given.

    I actually have a lot of ideas, but I wouldn’t want to bore you with them…

    Thank you for your kind words and signing the petition, Pauly. Much appreciated! If you would like a copy of the original screenplay, please feel free to send an email in the address provided.

    Cheers!!

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s