I shall be dissecting Wonder Woman, poring over her outline and examining her body of work to identify if she’s solid or dead meat. So read on only if you’ve already seen Wonder Woman, or don’t plan to.
0:01:24 The film begins with Diana Prince (Gal Godot), a curator at Paris’s Louvre museum, talking about how difficult it is to save the world, and if mankind should be saved. If she’d met my mates she’d, unfortunately, have her answer to that.
[N.B. This question, ‘is humanity worth saving and do we deserve Wonder Woman’, is the central theme to this film.]
[🐔EXCLUSIVE Easter Egg: Is it just me, or is the Wayne Company Logo as good a disguise as Clark Kent’s glasses? I’ve super-imposed a slightly altered Batman logo beside that of Wayne Enterprises so that you can judge. Also worth noting is that the license plate on the truck begins with ‘JL’, an obvious reference to the Justice League.]
0:02:20 Bruce sends Diana (who works in the antiquities department), an original glass plate negative of her with her crew in World War I. It’s like the original Snapchat.
[N.B. Before light sensitive film was used for photos, glass plates with photo sensitive emulsions were the original photographic negatives.]
[N.B. This photo is first referenced in Batman v Superman, where Diana Prince is looking for it because it’s proof that she doesn’t age. In my synopsis, it’s at 1:40:07.]
0:02:44 Fade from Diana’s face in the etching into her face as a little girl, scampering about Island. Maybe she’s running from the question as to how these women age until they suddenly stop, at different ages. WTF!?
0:04:06 Diana is fleeing her babysitter to snoop on the Amazon’s well-choreographed training. Patty Jenkins (the director) uses slow motion to good effect, reminiscent of 300. This scene is as well executed as a murderer in a guillotine.
[N.B. The Mail Online published this interesting article about the women who make up the Amazons.]
0:04:28 Diana’s mother (Connie Nielsen as Hippolyta) catches her child and scolds her for both eluding her tutor and wanting to learn how to fight. Antiope, Diana’s aunt (her mother’s sister) as head of the army, argues in Diana’s favour. Hippolyta shoots her down like a fighter plane over the ocean.
0:05:08 Rather than discussing Diana’s training, shouldn’t they be discussing why they choose to speak heavily accented English together instead of their native language? Or, if English is their native language, why they have strong, Slavic accents? WTF!?
Diana, you are the most precious thing in the world to me. I wished for you so much so, I sculpted you from clay myself, and beg begged Zeus to give you life.
Hippolyta to Diana at bedtime
Alternative facts…of life.
0:06:58 For a bedtime story, Diana’s mum tells the wee child how Zeus created man, but his son Ares was jealous. As a result, Ares poisoned mankind with negativity so that they would war with each other. Thus, the gods created the Amazons nowhere near the Amazon (unless that’s where they were ordered from) to restore peace to the earth. I don’t know about Diana, but the story certainly is putting me to sleep.
0:07:37 Diana sneaks out at night and is secretly trained by Antiope. This lack of supervision explains why there aren’t more children on The Mascara, which is their secret island, and a bit of a sexist name too, I might add. [Oh stop it, of course I realise the island is really called Themyscira!]
0:07:42 Antiope continues the story, explaining that Hippolyta led a revolt against “enslavement” by some mystery enslavers and that Zeus aided the Amazons. But Ares, the God of War, killed everyone Zeus sent, so Zeus used the last of his power to stop Ares. Still, as Zeus knew Ares would return with more war, Zeus left the Amazons with a weapon that could kill a God. (No, it’s not “intellect”, but I’ll accept that answer.)
0:08:40 With his dying breath (WTF!?, Zeus must’ve tested the weapon on himself, first), Zeus created The Mascara (Themyscira) to hide the Amazons from the outside world, where Ares wouldn’t look. It’s under a cloud, basically, because men won’t move anything when they look for something.
0:10:39 Teenager Diana (Emily Carey) trains with Antiope and we’re reminded Diana is the only Amazon who gets birthday parties, as she’s the only one who ages.
0:12:04 Hippolyta catches Antiope training Diana, and in the ensuing argument, Antiope implies that Diana was born to be a warrior and not just in the sense that most teenagers are. [N.B. This is because Antiope is aware of Diana’s origin and destiny.]
0:12:22 In voice over, Hippolyta acquiesces and tells Antiope to train Diana harder than any Amazon, but not to tell her the truth of who she is or how she came to be. We are introduced to adult Diana for the first time, who still must be freaking out that she’s the only one in the island who ages.
0:12:26 & 57, 14:11
0:13:08 At the peak of her training, Diana defeats Philippus (Ann Ogbomo), who was refered to as the fiercest Amazon warrior during the training scene [see 4:06]. Let’s call her Amazon Prime.
0:13:58 To finish her training, Diana defeats Antiope but when she looks to her mum for validation, Antiope launches a sneak attack that surprises Diana so much, she puts her wrists together and goes ballistic.
0:15:23 While everyone realises she’s a superhero, Diana runs off to pout. In mid-sulk, she happens to witness an airplane poke a hole in the sky and crash into the ocean. The pilot no longer has his head in the clouds.
0:16:38 Diana cliff dives into the sea to rescue Captain Steve Trevor (Chris Pine), who is in over his head.
0:17:28 The Germans, looking for Captain Trevor, sail into the bubble around Themyscira, too. It would seem the island is not as well hidden as everyone thought.
You’re a man.
After resuscitating Trevor, Diana makes this remark upon seeing the first male of her life. That’s below the belt!
[🐔Easter Egg: ‘Schwaben’ is a reference to the dreadnought battleship ‘SMS Schwaben’ that served in World War I and also replaced the SMS Mars, which is the Roman name for the god…Ares.]
They have guns, right?
Steve Trevor seeing the Amazons intend to use bows and arrows against the invading army
0:20:21 A very well-filmed battle scene between the Amazonians and the Germans, compete with original choreography and slow motion in all the right places.
0:21:30 Using her girlfriend’s shield as a platform, Antiope leaps over the heads of three enemy soldiers to shoot them unawares. Steve is so impressed by this display he’ll steal it later.
0:21:48 Antiope takes a bullet that has Diana’s name all over it and dies. Diana is broken up, but not as much as she would be if Antiope hadn’t taken the bullet. [N.B. Antiope’s girlfriend is the gal who runs screaming Noooooo! at the corpse.]
0:23:36 Wrapped in the Golden Lasso of Hestia (the Lasso of Truth), Captain Trevor gives up more secrets than a drunk teen playing Truth or Dare.
[🐔Easter Egg: William Moulton Marston — also known by the pen name Charles Moulton — not only created the character of Wonder Woman, he also invented the prototype of the lie detector test. #LassoOfTruth]
0:24:48 He explains in a flashback that he’s a spy who went undercover to investigate bad General Ludendorff (Danny Huston), where he learned the Germans had a secret factory where they made secret bombs and nasty weapons created by “Chief Psychopath” Dr. Isabel Maru (Elena Anaya), who only had half a face and lots of –literal– plastic surgery.
[🐔 Easter Egg: General Erich Ludendorf really existed and once said that in war “…the entire physical and moral forces of the nation should be mobilized, because peace (is) merely an interval between wars.”]
0:24:56 Doctor Maru’s nickname is ‘Dr Poison’, which probably makes it hard for her to get a date.
0:25:24 We learn why people call her Doctor Poison, and it’s not because she’s a fan of 80’s hair-metal.
0:26:04 Trevor steals her notebook with all her poison gas recipes and escapes into the present, where he tells the Amazons he needs to get Maru’s notes to the allies to finish the War to End All Wars (the first one).
0:28:57 Diana asks her mum if she can go win the war but her mum says no. Parents never let you do anything fun.
0:29:21 The island doctor removes a bandage on Diana’s arm, where her wound has already healed. This the doctor finds strange, but not the whole ageing/not ageing conundrum.
[N.B. This scene exists to show us Wonder Woman can recover quickly from her injuries.]
0:30:34 The Mascara Island has a hot tub (Fountain of Youth?) and Diana bursts in uninvited to ogle Steve’s member and his family member’s heirloom watch.
You let this little thing tell you what to do?
I’m not sure she’s talking about the watch.
0:34:49 Diana decides to leap from a cliff across a chasm onto a small eave which breaks, resulting in a fall which she must recover from by digging her hands into a stone wall and climbing. That’s a lot of effort to avoid using the door she used as a younger girl. [N.B. In fact, it’s a device used to demonstrate her super strength.]
0:35:22 She nicks the special sword, shield and Lasso of Truth and goes to run away with Steve Trevor in order to stop the war. She probably took the lasso because she already suspects men lie like dirty rugs.
0:36:37 Her mum catches her but lets her go anyway. I suspect Hippolyta wants to turn Diana’s room into a den.
0:37:48 To complete her costume, Hippolyta gives Diana the headband that belonged to Antiope, like a badass tiara.
0:39:04 After that ship has sailed:
Menalippe: You should have told her.
Hippolyta: The more she knows, the sooner he’ll find her.
Here, Menalippe tells Hippolyta that she should have let Diana know that she — and not the sword — is the real God Killer. Hippolyta explains that if she had, Ares would’ve been able to locate her that much sooner.
0:43:18 Whilst on the boat:
Diana: I’ve read all 12 volumes of Clio’s Treatise on Bodily Pleasure.
Steve: All 12, huh? … Did you bring any of those with you?
Diana: You would not enjoy them.
Steve: I don’t know. Maybe.
Diana: No, you wouldn’t.
Steve: Why not?
Diana: They came to the conclusion that men are essential for procreation, but when it comes to pleasure…unnecessary.
Not where I live!
[N.B. This is the famous ad-libbed dialogue everyone but I found terribly clever.]
0:45:40 The second act begins with General Ludendorff giving Dr. Maru a pep talk about gassing people. To thank him, she gives him a sort of gaseous cocaine that gets his rock hard and, more importantly, triggers her memory about the recipe for her famous homemade poison.
[N.B. Actually, there’s a breeze which rustles the balled up formulae on her desk, and pushes the correct one to her. In the film’s climax, we see a flashback in which Ares is, in fact, the wind that returns the correct calculation to Dr. Maru.]
0:46:50 After sailing 10 minutes, they arrive in England. This means that top-secret The Mascara Island is probably in the neighbourhood of Slough.
Diana: What is a secretary?
Etta: Well, I do everything! I go where he tells me to go and I do what he tells me to do.
Diana: Well, where I’m from, that’s called ‘slavery’.
Etta (to Steve): I really like her!
Steve: Etta? Where is she?
Etta: Well, she’s trying on outfit two hundred and twenty-six.
[🐔 Easter Egg: #226 is the last issue of Wonder Woman Volume 2, written by Greg Rucka, and which contains much of the WW iconography used in the film.]
0:52:12 One can tell it’s the early 20th century because Londoners are shocked to see someone carrying a broadsword in public.
0:53:22 Trevor and Diana are accosted by evil agents and, to general surprise, Diana defeats them soundly. Even she seems shocked when she deflects bullets with her bracelets, or perhaps she’s checking them for scratches as they’re still under guarantee.
[🐔 Easter Egg: The scene where Diana catches a bullet to protect Steve is a tribute to Superman (1978), where Clark Kent does the exact same thing for Lois Lane.]
0:56:18 Diana meets Sir Patrick Morgan (David Thewlis) while Trevor fashions her a new name, Diana Prince, as she’s about to introduce herself as Diana Princess of Themyscira. No doubt because no one can pronounce ‘Themyscira’.
0:59:02 Diana, the smartest demigod in the room, deciphers Dr. Poison’s notes and discovers Maru’s created a ‘mustard’ gas that’s hydrogen based and thus will render gas masks inutile. Which, if it’s anything like French mustard, I completely understand.
[🐔 Easter Egg: Dr Maru first appeared as an enemy for Wonder Woman in 1942. Of that incarnation, Patty Jenkins kept only the green lab coat in tribute.]
1:01:57 Having decided to ignore his orders to not attack the gas factory, Trevor takes Diana to a local pub in order to recruit a team with whom Wonder Woman can take a photo. [see 2:20]
- Sameer (dit Sammy, played by Saïd Taghmaoui): Moroccan ‘undercover operative’, i.e. ‘con man’.
- Charlie (played by Ewen Bremner): Scottish sniper who, because of PTSD, sings better than he snipes — and he’s a terrible singer.
- Chief (played by Eugene Brave Rock): A native American smuggler who’s as useless as Charlie on this mission.
1:04:15 Etta arrives with Sir Patrick, who knows Trevor is disobeying orders and has come to help fund the excursion. He offers to let Etta run the operation from his office. The real reason for his generosity is that he wants to keep tabs on the mission as it unfolds. Because he’s as evil as I suspected he was when I first saw the film in the cinema.
1:06:08 Steve buys Diana an ice cream and she, upon finding the treat quite delicious, remarks to the vendor, “You should be very proud.” Wait til she tries pizza. 🍕
[🐔 Easter Egg: This same exchange took place in both the comic book Justice League: Origins and cartoon film Justice League: Avengers.]
1:08:51 General Ludendorff storms into a meeting of the German elite, who are preparing their surrender. Ludendorff disagrees with this strategy, so he throws a gas grenade into the room and locks the door. The high command die atrociously, reminding me never to host a beans and chili party in the winter.
May we get what we want, may we get what we need, but may we never get what we deserve.
Toast at the camp
1:13:014 In the trenches, Diana meets a bereaved and dispossessed woman with her infant child. She tells Diana that the Germans burned their houses and enslaved those who weren’t killed. This is where Diana draws a front line.
This is No Man’s Land, Diana. That means no man can cross it.
Wait, Diana’s not man…
1:14:05 Wonder Woman crossing No Man’s Land is the best scene in the film. Diane lets her hair down, slips out of her coat and becomes Wonder Woman for the first time.
This is why they couldn’t call it “No Woman’s Land”.
1:17:24 Wonder Woman storms into the occupied town of Vled, Belgium and accomplishes more single-handedly than a one-armed compulsive masturbator.
1:18:16 The fight scene in the enemy headquarters is perfectly filmed with slick moves spread across the screen in slow motion.
1:20:01 Just when they think they’ve got the upper hand, a sniper in the church steeple starts picking off the natives one at a time. Charlie, who’s not really served any purpose up until this point, stays true to form and doesn’t do anything here, either. [In fact, he’s traumatised from all of the killing he’s done in his life so suffers from performance anxiety: he can’t keep the tip up to shoot.]
1:20:36 Recalling the jumping manoeuvre he saw on the beach [see 21:30], Steve and the boys use a vehicle door to assist Wonder Woman in leaping to the sniper’s nest. It brings the house down, or at least the church.
[N.B. This sniper in the church tower is very reminiscent of the sniper in the bell tower film within a film used in Inglourious Basterds, which of course was based on the fact that many snipers preferred high perches, from their point of view.]
1:21:34 The taking of the famous picture that Bruce Wayne sends the negative of to Diana Prince at the start of the film. #posers #HiddenFigures
[Easter Egg: Jack Snyder has a cameo in this photo, according to Screen Rant. He’s the bloke on the side, apparently, though I’d never have known it without reading the article.]
1:23:44 Trevor learns that Ludendorff and Doctor Maru will be at a gala event at the German High Command, in a conveniently nearby castle. Wonder Woman draws the conclusion that Ludendorff is Ares, while Steve draws the conclusion that she’s nuttier than a squirrel’s balls.
1:26:28 While the town celebrates and Steve teaches Diana how to dance and fall in love, the snow begins to gently fall. Charlie, heartened by the victory, plays piano and sings for the first time in years. This is obvious, judging by how badly he sings.
1:28:40 Steve takes Diana up to his room. Before she was Wonder Woman, now he’s going to make just a woman out of her.
1:32:16 Chief steals a motorcar for Trevor to use to ride into the gala, with Sammy as the chauffeur. The native American’s a thief and the North African’s a slave… 😒 And you thought there were no Nazis in this film.
1:33:18 As they enter the castle where the gala is taking place, Steve notices chairs being placed along a parapet. These are the front row seats to the destruction of Veld, so the guests can witness the gassing of the town. Apparently fireworks weren’t available.
1:34:01 A true WWTF (Wonder Woman The F…) moment. Steve tells Diana she can’t enter the soiree with him so… An elderly woman whose car is blocked decides to exit her vehicle and walk into the forest for no apparent reason other than to be ambushed by Wonder Woman who we can only assume renders her unconscious and steals her clothes, leaving the old biddy unconscious and naked in the woods. Not the shiniest moment in Wonder Woman’s illustrious career.
[🐔Easter Egg: The woman from whom Wonder Woman steals the blue dress is credited as ‘Fausta Grables’, who was also the Nazi agent famously featured in an episode of Lynda Carter’s Wonder Woman series, ‘Fausta: The Nazi Wonder Woman’]
Steve Trevor: Excuse me, would you like a drink?
Dr. Isabel “Poison” Maru:
I don’t drink.I can’t drink.
1:36:48 Steve tries flirting with Dr. Maru to trick her into giving up her secrets, but when he sees Diana enter the party, his rising, penetrating interest convinces Maru that she herself is a dog who won’t get that Trevor bone.
1:38:52 After Trevor prevents Diana from killing the mood and Ludendorff at the party, she sees that rounds of the deadly gas are being fired from the castle and aimed at Veld. She takes off, and her dress too, for beneath it is her Wonder Woman costume, though where she hid that under her backless dress is anyone’s guess.
1:40:42 Wonder Woman, who is immune to the gas, enters the town to see all of the villagers dead. She blames Trevor because he didn’t let her kill Ludendorff, and she might be right. If she’d killed him, the party might have ended before the attack. Or perhaps it would’ve changed nothing. I know I’ve often suffered gas attacks after parties.
1:41:04 The Chief follows Ludendorff and sends smoke signals to indicate to Trevor and Wonder Woman where the general is preparing more gas. Either that or those at the party are smoking up some signals of their own.
1:42:12 Wonder Woman arrives at the airport where Ludendorff is preparing his massive attack by following smoke signals in the dark. WTF!?
1:43:24 Wonder Woman does some close-quarters fighting with Ludendorff, who’s hopped up on drugs, to give him the strength he needs to hold his own against her (not a euphemism).
1:43:32 Let me take this opportunity to say how pleasantly surprised I was to see a fight sequence where I could actually see the fight sequence. So many directors hide poorly choreographed fight sequences with quick cuts, extreme closeups, and blur effects.
1:45:22 Wonder Woman kills Ludendorff, believing she’s killed Ares. But then she espies the soldiers continuing to lead the planes with dirty bombs and is shocked. I think we were meant to be surprised as well but, just as if we were asking Patty Jenkins for a loan, she’s not giving us any credit.
1:47:50 When Steve arrives and begs her to help him even if humans–himself included–don’t deserve it, she acts like she’s at a party with me and my mates and says she’s too good for us. ‘For us’, I’m not sure, but she is quite good.
1:49:04 WTF!? Just when she’s given up and ready to head back to The Mascara island, Sir Patrick arrives and confesses what we’ve known since the first moment that we saw him: He’s Ares. But if he’d only shut up for a moment longer, she would’ve fecked off and he could’ve won the war easily! Why does he needlessly reveal himself here? I’m beginning to think he’s a closet exhibitionist in addition to being the closet God of War.
1:49:24 Btw, while Wonder Woman takes ages to understand what’s happening with Sir Patrick / Ares, Steve and the team are surreptitiously entering the tarmac where the gas bombs are being loaded. They’re wearing gas masks as a disguise, but this is a WTF because they’re the only ones in the whole airport wearing gas masks, thus they look very suspicious. Or perhaps they’re disguised as praying mantises and no one notices because the soldiers used to being bugged by the allies.
1:50:44 Ares tries to convince Wonder Woman that his father’s (Zeus) creation (us humans) merit annihilation. This is a major theme in the film, and in my life whenever I switch on the news.
Wonder Woman [upon seeing her sword crumble]: The God Killer!
Ares: My dear child, that is not the God Killer. You are.
So is education. #justsaying
Ares: Only a God can kill another God. Zeus left the child he had with the Queen of the Amazons as a weapon to use against me.
So not only was Wonder Woman not made of clay, she’s a bastard.
1:55:42 The fight between Ares and Wonder Woman is so mundane, I wonder if they’re married.
1:56:10 Meanwhile, Steve’s team continues is terrible struggle to remain totally useless. No one can do anything to stop the bombs (they’re on a timer, so if the plane is grounded the bombs will destroy the countryside where they’re at, and if the plane is shot down, the gas dispersion would be even worse), especially his friends. They’re called a ‘crack unit’ because that’s what they smoke.
1:57:14 In what will be their last date, Wonder Woman is slightly concussed from some grenades and Steve is in his way to catch the gas biplane but they meet in the middle of the runway and Steve tells her things she cannot hear (her ears were affected by the grenades) but that she’ll remember later. WTF!?
1:57:50 Ares, standing in the niche of a fire, attracts molten metal shards to him like armor in WWI version of Iron Man.
2:00:11 The team are out of ammo, Steve is on the plane and Wonder Woman is wrapped up in a tank tread but, not to worry, things are often darkest before the end of the film.
2:01:02 Steve commits suicide by blowing up the plane with the poison gas while he’s piloting it. Turns out he’s nothing but hot air in the end. Good thing he didn’t book a return ticket.
2:01:14 Fortunately the enemy and Ares wait for WW to grieve, giving her time to turn on the super force field attack she’d already used once, way back at 13:58, against Antiope. This force is her gift from Zeus and is what makes her a God Killer. She gets it from her father.
2:02:54 Ares tries to convince WW to kill Dr. Maru, but she’s interrupted mid-squash by memories of what Steve said when she couldn’t hear him. Maru and Ares are nice enough to wait for her to remember everything before the doctor escapes and Ares attacks.
Ares: They do not deserve your protection!
WW: It’s not about ‘deserve’, it’s about what you believe. And I believe in love.
With Steve dead, she better believe she loves solitude.
Wonder Woman as she’s about to rain hell down on Ares
She calls him “brother” because, as they are both children of Zeus, he’s her half-brother. Talk about sibling rivalry!
2:05:58 Wonder Woman attacks Ares with super lightning, which she gets from her father, Zeus. She got his lightning but didn’t steal his thunder.
2:06:17 “Super hero landing! Wait for it. Whoo! Super hero landing! You know, that’s really hard on your knees. Totally impractical. They all do it.” (Deadpool)
2:07:08 As Ares is now dead, all of the German soldiers suddenly wonder what they’re doing fighting a war. Maybe it’s just me, but this seems a little over-simplistic. Besides, if this were the case and Germans really didn’t want to start World War I, then Diana really has no reason to give up on humanity — it was her brother’s fault, after all.
2:07:38 The bloke on the poster is not 1918 Justin Bieber but George V, the king of England at the time. The difference between you and him is that when he screws up, he does it royally.
2:08:08 The whole team reunite at the victory celebration in London. It’s all fun and games, until Diana espies a photo of Steve Trevor on a statue with photos of others killed in the war. There are fewer than I would’ve thought for a World War.
2:09:26 Fade back to the present where Diana Prince explains how she stayed in the real world to fight and give because only love can save the world. WTF!? This doesn’t make as much sense as she thinks it does.
2:10:12 She finishes her email thanking Bruce Wayne for the photo because she hears sirens announcing the beginning of Justice League and she wants to suit up before it starts.
2:13:21 Song in the credits is “To Be Human”, by Sia featuring Labrinth. You can check it out in the playlist below.
In memory of Captain William T. Jenkins
Capt Jenkins is director Patty Jenkin’s father and was a fighter pilot in the United States Air Force. She gives him some credit, is what I’m saying.
- WTF!?’s: 10 that left me wondering
- When to Follow: Perfect film for any time and with anyone (not from the German Empire).
- Where’s This Found: One of the best films in the DC Cinematic Universe (not including Suicide Squad, and yes, I’m still standing up / for / beside and behind that film because it was just that good). Wonder Woman is one of those all-too-rare examples when the right actor meets the right part under the eye of the right director. Despite a couple of PG-13 moments, Wonder Woman proves she’s at least as strong as any of her male counterparts. Out of a possible 10, I have 8 F’s to give
- What To Feedback:
Left Over WTF (Way Too Funny) Photos
Left over photos
Prints suitable for reposting!
WTF!? did they say?
WTF!? do you meme?
What to Follow Up
Bar None Review
366 Weird Movies
If you enjoyed this post, please consider sharing it on Facebook!
It’s the easiest — and nicest! — way to say ‘Thank you’.