Spoiler Alert:
I shall be searching Singularity‘s sole purpose, singling out it’s defaults and interrogating its individuals to determine if it’s one of a kind or one bad mother. So read on only if you’ve already seen Singularity, or don’t plan to.
0:00:57 From the opening cards we learn that Elias Van Dorne and his company, VA Industries, built robots the world loved. Then he manufactured super robots to finish all wars, but they backfired because, evidently, Elias Van Dorne has never seen Robocop . Or I Robot / Chappie / The Terminator / any other science fiction film ever.
0:02:51 In 2020, Van Dorne created a new super robot called Kronos, because he hasn’t learned anything about creating super robots since his last batch that wanted to take over the world.
0:03:28
Damien: They’re not ready for
TerminatorSkynetKronos!
Elias: It’s the only way!
Damien: Elias, you know what Kronos is capable of!
Elias: Capable of saving Earth from self destruction!
I detest films that speak in exclamation marks.
0:04:51 The film’s shots, angles, odd lighting and ridiculous lens effects are amateurish. The director has made a direct to DVD film in an age where DVDs no longer exist.
0:05:23
0:05:42 We are introduced to young professional Andrew Davis (Julian Schaffner) who’s paying a visit to his ailing mum (Eileen Grubba). She’s not going to be around long enough to worry about technology conquering the world. She doesn’t look like she’s going to be around to worry about breakfast tomorrow.
0:06:52 When Elias appears on the telly to introduce Kronos, Davis leaves his mum before she has time to finish her first glass of plonk. The wine is probably better company than he, however, and definitely less fruity.
0:07:12 All the screens in all the world magically show an image of Van Dorne presenting the launch of Kronos. #HairyHoudini #DavidCopafeel
0:08:06
Elias: Tonight, this night, we enter a new age.
Yes, the Awkward Age.
0:08:30
Lol, while blowing up the world, Kronos announces (without the use of speakers) that there’s no need to worry! WTF!? That said, I know of some actual news channels who are saying the same thing under the same circumstances.
0:10:30 After the big announcement and the big mass destruction, Elias’s #2 (Carmen Argenziano as Damien Walsh) finally clues in that Kronos has been turned on. Perhaps it only seems obvious to me because I, too, can get a little crazy when turned on.
0:11:06 Seriously, does no one involved with the film know that 100 mph (miles per hour) is equivalent to 170 kilometres per hour and is far too fast for someone following a city bus? Do you follow me?
0:11:20
0:11:34 We are now skipping 97 years into the future. When you don’t know if you should Lol or WTF!? 😂
0:12:48 OK, now it’s just plain stupid. Despite being 100 years after the previous scene, we see Andrew Davis waking up in a pit and Elias watching him via monitors and neither of them have aged. Wow, those 97 years must’ve passed by very quickly.
0:13:01
0:14:11 While Andrew wanders a forest looking like a lost puppy, we’re subjected to a vice-off monologue by a young woman telling us most of the human survivors are inherently evil, but that she’s part of a group which is 100% goodness. This sort of black and white thinking sounds fairly evil, should you ask me. And you should.
0:14:32 Andrew forages through an abode to secure a cheap gold pendant that would be too feminine for him were he anyone else.
0:15:28 Ah, we learn Elias and Kronos have in fact created Andrew (Ax-9) — he’s a robot so independent he believes himself to be human. As long as the writer doesn’t make that same mistake.
0:15:42 Ax-9’s a lite honey pot meant to follow the female narrator to the utopia of Aurora, so Kronos can learn the secret city’s whereabouts. If there’s one thing robots hate, it’s utopia.
0:16:33 Believe it or not, the special effects aren’t the worst part of this film…
0:17:59 Oh no! 😂😂😂 A cheap Katniss Everdeen clone is the female lead (Jeannine Wacker as Calia)! Let’s call her Catnip Overdone…
0:22:27 Catnip goes all day not knowing a boy who was literally born yesterday is following her. When she finally catches him, he confesses to not hearing about Armageddon (!?), and yet she’s still not suspicious? Armageddon fed up!
0:23:44 Ax-9 examines his pendant after learning catnip has the exact same. He seems effeminate and she looks butch, so we’ll call them The Hunger Gays.
0:28:28 WTF!? Catnip has to tell Ax-9 that trains haven’t existed in 69 years and he hasn’t had a bite of food in all the time she’s known him, yet she still doesn’t suspect he’s more of a plant than a fern in a factory?
0:29:57
Like your grammar: ‘the worst’.
0:33:10 Kronos is meant to be extremely intelligent, yet the drones sent to look for Andrew (Ax-9) and Calia (Catnip) don’t even bother to look behind chairs. Kronos is worst.
0:36:34 Catnip tells us that the brothers (presumably Elias and Damien) who created Kronos now live inside him to be immortal. This sounds sexual in ways I can’t imagine.
0:36:58
0:39:31
Andrew: Wait, wait, wait. Don’t you think I should have a weapon or something?
WTF did she give him, an STD? (Stupid Tickling Device)
0:42:02 Calia talks about her life growing up in a post-apocalyptic land, and it sounds almost as hard as staying awake through her story.
0:46:21 In a forest, bad humans chase Calia and Andrew. Andrew trips, so the bad humans catch him while Calia runs on, barely even slowing down. Andrew is like half an ass: left behind.
0:48:14 A man who doesn’t know how to wear a beret (Pavlo Bubryak as Cassiem) captures Calia as she’s trying to free Andrew. You’ll laugh loudest when he starts sniffing her face.
0:49:06 Andrew uses superpowers, breaks his rope bonds and saves Calia from the men who’ve unzipped her coat and are trying to look at her bra strap.
0:49:27
Damien: He’s stronger than the others.
Elias: Evolution has run its course.
Since the apocalypse, Damien’s job is to simply state the obvious, while Elias’s job is simply to be WTF.
0:50:10 After Cheap Guevara stabs Andrew, Catnip stabs Cheap Guevara who bleeds so much from his back that her hands are bloodier than Lady Macbeth having her period.
0:51:24 WTF!? Instead of letting Andrew lay down and recover, Catnip makes him rise and walk all day to a piece of dirt…where he can lay down and recover.
0:52:54 Apparently this strategy wasn’t as effective as she thought because he died while she slept. Either that or he’s faking it and hoping she’ll leave him alone so he’s free to follow his gay agenda.
0:53:30 Faking it or not, when he jerks alive Catnip sees he’s an android. If only she’d tried to treat the wound instead of taking him on a forced march, she’d have discovered this earlier.
0:55:58 While Andrew discovers his original, human tombstone in a cemetery, he’s collected by a Halo robot clone and wakes up in a lab. First he was dead, now he’s only dead tired.
0:56:50
0:59:04 Now Damien is scanning Andrew/Ax-9’s brain because:
You have been with her long enough to have calculated Aurora’s location.
WTF!? This is not how learning works! If this were the case, my friends who went to class but took no notes and didn’t pay attention wouldn’t be losers on the dole today.
1:03:38 Calia is brought in to watch Andrew talk to philosophy with his mum in a dream state. In other words, they’re torturing her. #AndUs
1:03:55
Damien: That which can’t be found, can be tempted.
WTF!?
1:05:14 Oh dear lord, Andrew was reprogrammed to choke Calia, but while he strangles her he begins kissing her because love is a virus. In a rare, double WTF, Damien leaves the lab to enter the room next door for no reason other than to let the couple escape.
1:10:02 Andrew kissed Calia, causing the lab blew up. WTF!? After fleeing to safety, Calia takes his hand and confesses,
I don’t care if you’re a machine.
Things you say when you’re falling in love with your dildo.
1:11:24 Do you remember that top secret city no one could figure out the location of? Well, it turns out it’s that very obvious place atop a mountain that creates a giant aurora every night, which the whole world can see. WTF!? Not very bright.
1:14:48 The town of Aurora is no longer. The borealis came from a robot ‘city’ which created them as a decoy, I can only assume, because lord knows this film stopped trying to justify itself ages ago.
1:16:16 Damien appears and tells us that the goal of the entire film was not to find Aurora but for robot Andrew to learn to write his own code, in which case we wonder why he had to follow Calia at all in the first place. There are plot holes bigger than my ego in this bloody film.
1:17:11
1:18:40 The thought I can’t prevent myself from having is, why did they need create Andrew robot in the first place? If they didn’t need to find Aurora and don’t need Andrew to write his own code but instead only want to destroy humanity with a massive bombing raid, why didn’t they simply do this at the outset? This entire film is an unnecessary evil.
1:20:32 Oh ffs, the random bunker the children decided to hide in happens to also be a spaceship that will take them to a planetary system called Aurora if they use their pendant as a key. I’ve seen better stories on food labels.
1:22:37 The ‘imminent impact of missiles in 30 seconds’ countdown started 1 minute and 16 seconds ago.
1:26:42 Elias doesn’t care if he accomplishes his goal of finding Aurora. Instead, he decides to kill Damien, his partner, because why would this film choose to start making sense this late in the game?
1:27:16 This is literally the face John Cusack makes throughout the whole of the film. If the person with whom you were making love made this face, would you get excited? Or would you think “this whore is only in it for the money”?
1:27:18 Elias says he will launch an attack on the humans populating Aurora, which makes no sense because the film began with Kronos wanting to destroy humans to make earth safe. The humans have all left the planet, so you’ve won, mate!
Roll credits
Tally Ho’
- WTF!?’s: 27 singular ones
- When to Follow: Don’t watch this movie. Ever. If someone puts a gun to your head and tells you watch this film, insist they pull the trigger because death would be better than watching this movie.
- Where’s This Found: The story was drunkenly scrawled onto the last squares of toilet paper in a loo that breeds things only fire can kill, and when the writer/director made the film the next day with a hangover, he decided the parts he couldn’t understand were to be filmed exactly like that. Then John Cusack came in for one day to stand in a room and read lines for a dollar, and the producers used his name to dupe other people into doing the film. The stars are so bad they can’t even act out and the sets were a green room where the crew couldn’t think of anything more exciting than that. Make no mistake, this is the worst film of the year. When people talk about a disgusting film covering pond water, this is the film they mean. Out of a possible 10, I have 1 F to give for the low budget CGI effects.
- What To Feedback:
I bet you can’t name a worse film than this one! If you think you have one, please mention it in the comments and let the community decide!
All GIFs used in this review were created with the Imgflip online meme generator
Left Over WTF (Way Too Funny) Photos
Prints suitable for reposting!
WTF!? did they say?
WTF!? do you meme?
What to Follow Up
Bar None Review
366 Weird Movies
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It’s the easiest — and nicest! — way to say ‘Thank you’.
Awesome “review”, infinitely more entertaining than this monstrosity. Worst of the year? Undoubtedly. Quite possibly worst of the millennium.
Minor point – it’s not CGI NY, that’s modern day Hong Kong, mildly modified 🙂
Great stuff!!
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Hallo Dean!
Thank you so much for the kind words. An inordinate amount of time goes into crafting these ‘reviews’ (out of love, to be sure), that I’m always happy to learn I’m not solely doing it for my own personal gratification.
And I appreciate the correction! Leave it to a Brit to no nothing of two continents and not simply one. I’m off to change the caption!
WTF Dean (Watch The Film),
Saint Pauly
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Awesome!
Not only did I try to watch this movie (then quickly turned it off), a month later I tried again and succeeded!! Only to feel exactly the way you wrote it, down to the WTF?! moments. Literally thinking the whole time, “this is the worst movie ever” and I’ve watched ALL of the 80s d list.
Then, as if that wasn’t torture enough I sought out reviews like yours to be sure It wasn’t just me and went through it all again! WTF?! Is wrong with me? Lol
Anyway, thanks for the laughs.🤙🏽
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Hallo Bree!
I’m so glad you were able to make it through the film (and that you found my synopsis!). What can I say, misery loves company!
Come back again soon…and often!
WTF Bree (Watch The Film),
Saint Pauly
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This review was best. This movie was worst.
I laughed so hard at “Armageddon fed up“
You are THE best
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Hallo Johnny Kage!
Thank you for the read and the comment! It’s nice to know I’m not banging away alone in my room for nothing (not a masturbation joke!. I do hope you’ll come back agais soo, and often!
WTF Johnny Kage (Watch The Film),
Saint Pauly
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Thanks for saving me a couple of hours. 🙂 Ol’ Johnny boy must’ve fallen on hard times. It’s been risky watching anything with him on the title cards for years now. As to your challenge for a worse movie, without seeing this one I’m comfortable submitting Tommy Wiseau’s “The Room” as a contender.
-TK
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Hallo TK!
My pleasure! Only too happy to help.
And yes, so true that his name on a cast list no longer means what it used to. Similar to Nicolas Cage, in fact, except that Cage was never a good actor and Cusak had his day.
As for the The Room, funny you should mention that! I’m in the middle of working on a review for that as we speak! Thanks for your patronage and for your lovely comment. Please come back again soon!
WTF TK (Watch The Film),
Saint Pauly
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There were certainly more plot holes than average. But the CGI was good, and the idea itself was interesting, even though the execution sucked. Plus, about a third of the criticism is leveled at initial misunderstanding of things that actually ended up making sense. But yeah, a lot of it fell flat on it’s face.
You say you challenge me to name a worse movie? Challenge accepted!
But believe me when I say, I have seen some sh*t, and this wasn’t. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve seen a whole mess of different movies. I’ve only seen the really bad ones because I look for good movies where few others do, and I’m often rewarded, but sometimes I end up in the middle of trash, or worse. Here are some movies way worse than this one:
Space Milkshake (the villain in this movie is a talking rubber duckie that mutates into an alien squid octopus thing, the only good thing in this movie was Kristin Kreuk, but they messed that up when her character gets killed by her parallel universe robot self who electrocutes you if you touch her, but somehow turns out not to be the evil one)
Ghostbusters (the new one, because feminism ruins everything)
Starship Apocalypse I and II (terrible acting, stupid storyline, half of it came across as propaganda dressed up as scifi; I may agree with some of the propaganda, but I still don’t like that the movie is propaganda)
I can’t remember the name of it, because it wasn’t worth remembering. If DVD’s still existed it would be a coaster. It was about scientists locked underground and somehow a nuclear holocaust happens, and in a few hours the whole world became post-apocalyptic, but the kind that looks like it’s been that way for decades even though it’s only been a few hours, kind of like that episode of South Park where they resort to cannibalism after being snowed in for a hour. They could have at least done some 80s special effects. The city didn’t look like it was nuked, and the so-called mutants looked completely normal and somehow pass out at dusk because they need the sun’s energy, and for some reason this means they have to kill all nonmutated people? It was a dumb excuse to make a movie that was nothing but kung fu dudes showing off.
Every Uwe Bole movie ever made. This guy made fun of the victims of 9/11. Enough said.
Beyond the Call of Duty. (I didn’t even watch this one, but I didn’t have to figure out that they deliberately made it look like the similarly named game to get your attention so you’d waste two hours of your life watching a piece of trash. Basically, the guy who made this movie is either Uwe Bole or he’s wants to be really badly.)
The Road by Mel Gibson (hours of misery that you keep watching because you think it’s about to get better, but never fails to disappoint you with additional misery, I mean, the guy could have been just a little bit more resourceful, maybe a fully loaded shotgun instead of a revolver with two suicide bullets, maybe a sniper rifle to shoot the cannibals before they can kill a mother and her child? No? That’s why the movie sucks. It could have been great, but every opportunity to do so was wasted by deliberately making it suck. I watched this back when we had DVD’s, and it now protects my desk from the wet ring left behind by my can of Coke)
A Boy and His Dog (Worst movie ever. You keep waiting for some glimmer of conscience from the boy, but it becomes increasingly clear that he is a sex-crazed, misogynist, rapist who doesn’t really care about anybody except (probably) his telepathic dog, and they make you question that. And you finally get that glimmer of conscience, when the boy feeds the girl he wanted to his dog to save him from starvation. I know. Someone was twisted enough to write an ending like that AS IF it were supposed to be some kind of heartfelt ending where the boy realises what’s truly important and sacrifices the thing he thought he wanted for his best friend… except they ate a girl, who might have been the only decent person you saw in that movie. WTF? ) You know what? I rest my case, A Boy and His Dog is THE worst film ever.
I know I’ve seen a couple other really bad ones, but my memory of them is fuzzy and I’ve put enough here. I take everything literally, so challenge me to name better movies next time.
Anyway… Challenge completed. Mic dropped. Burn. Whatever… I’m out…
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Hallo Daryl!
Loved, loved, loved your comment! I thought I’d made an effort to dumpster dive when I started my collection of Mockbusters, but you…! Wow! Thank you so much for your comment. Of course you were wrong about the Ghostbusters reboot because there’s nothing wrong with women, but the rest of your list was majestic.
Now I’m tempted to review A Boy and His Dog… What do you think?
Thanks once more for sharing your encyclopaedic knowledge of cinema!
WTF Daryl (Watch The Film),
Saint Pauly
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The “cgi ny” is Hong Kong in real life
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Hallo Someone!
Yes, another reader pointed that out and I’ve forgotten to change it. Thanks for your vigilance!
WTF Someone (Watch The Film),
Saint Pauly
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Theres a lot of things about this movie that makes me laugh but one of the most annoying were the 97 year abbandoned crops and places looking freshy taken care of. Also dont forget about the 97 y/o camera batteries thet still work, take my money motherfucker and gimme those damn batteries! Bonus: Missiles incoming and then stupid robot enters a suicide/poor me state, meditating about how he have no place to go so both must die. Annoying and dumb as f**k!!
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Btw, loved the review!
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Hallo Someone!
That the writer decided to randomly use the highest prime number under 100 on which to base the time lapse is only slightly less absurd than all of the indecencies you so cleverly point out! At least we can laugh at this one! And thank you so much for your kind words!
You certainly are Someone!
WTF (Watch The Film),
Saint Pauly
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“I don’t understand it. I don’t understand anything.” “No one understands it, Andrew. No one ever really will.” And that, succinctly, is the full plot summary and made me actually laugh out loud. Can’t wait for the sequel to this avante guarde comedy!
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Hallo!
I def should’ve quoted that in the synopsis! It’s not often we’re treated to such a gloriously terrible film.So often they’re just terrible and not more.
Thank you for stopping by!
WTF (Watch The Film),
Saint Pauly
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Fell down the rabbit hole and wound up here and MAN! Am I thankful!
Love your site, love your attitude, desperately needed the laughs!
Totally appreciate you taking so many literal craptastic $hit$hows for the rest of us, you have a fan for life!
Peace!
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Hallo Jaded!
Wow, what a sweet thing to say! You’ve made my day! I look forward to your continued support and to keeping you entertained. 😊
How to see you soon, and often!
WTF Jaded (Watch The Film),
Saint Pauly
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My boyfriend and I attempted to watch this movie last night and only made it to the part where Andrew starts following Catnip and we gave up. I laughed out loud in a diner at the marshmallows and dildo comments! The only reason I’m glad I watched part of this film is because I was able to appreciate this review. Bravo.
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Hallo Adrienne!
What a lovely comment! I smiled out loud in a café reading it, so we’re even 😉 I’m flattered you could make it through more of my review than the film! Please do come by again, I’ll be looking forward to hearing from you and your boyfriend!
WTF Adrienne (Watch The Film),
Saint Pauly
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Hilarious review. Watched this with my of tonight and I literally said the dildo comment at the same time in the movie. I couldn’t believe when I read that in your review! Also, just literally nothing was ok about the movie. Have you seen a picture of the writer director?? I can’t believe cusak worked under him either.
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Hallo Caroline!
What a wonderful comment! I’m so glad you appreciated the review, and that we see eye to eye on the film. And I hadn’t seen a picture of the writer / director…he looks as though he’s 12! LOL! Like Beiber’s baby brother! Thanks for the tip!
WTF Caroline (Watch The Film),
Saint Pauly
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I have seen some shite in my life, but despite the cliches and the protagonists wandering in gorgeous countryside – I liked it. Cusak added something. It was entertaining. Turn your brain off.
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Hallo Celia!
To each her own! I always maintain that most movies made want to be loved, so I’m glad this film has found one.
And thank you for implying my brain was on at some point.
WTF Celia (Watch The Film),
Saint Pauly
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I ended up here solely because I asked Google how cusack was still alive 97 years later early into watching this disaster and I’m glad I found this. Hilarious.
Well done sir!
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Hallo Drew!
What a kind comment! Perhaps I should tell people I work in recycling because I convert shite into gold, eh? Seriously, thank you for the nice words and I do hope you’ll visit again soon.
WTF Drew (Watch The Film),
Saint Pauly
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Some people hit rock bottom and realize it’s time to stop, but others refuse to quit. They grab a shovel, a jackhammer, a big-ass drill, whatever, and keep on going. If they manage to come out the other side, instead of realizing success and starting afresh, they grab a rocket, fly to the moon or an asteroid, and keep on digging. I’m not sure where John Cusack is at this stage, but he doesn’t need to be. The talent is still there. Maybe he’s in a race with Nicholas Cage to see who will be the first to drill through the moon?
I’m not sure how many different drugs people were taking when they came up with this thing, but at least one of those drugs is bad. We need to figure out which one and then stop its use in filmmaking.
I’m going to attempt to sleep now and hope my dreams don’t include marshmallows and dildos…I can’t even begin to imagine how to explain that to my therapist.
One final request: you tell everyone to WTF, but if you’re saying that in regards to this disaster, I’ll tell you now I refuse to do that to my brain twice. I’m not sure exactly how many brain cells killed themselves rather than suffer through another minute, but I really don’t think I can afford to lose anymore. And as you recommended choosing a bullet to the head over watching this monstrosity anyway, you’ll have to pick another movie before telling me to WTF.
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Hallo Kathy!
Thank you so much for the comment! Your wry sense of humour brought a smile to my eye. 🙂
If you’re still looking for another WTF movie, Hurricane Heist is a good follow up to this one!
Don’t WTF your brain Kathy (Watch The Film instead),
Saint Pauly
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Singularity 2017: the type of bad movie Mystery Science Theater 3000 and Rifftrax were invented for.
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And don’t forget 123WTF.ME 😉
WTF Lévai (Watch The Film),
Saint Pauly
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The last Pink Panther that Peter Sellers made was worse. But this was a really clunky movie.
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Hi there!
You’re certainly right, though I can’t remember having seen it. Thanks ofr stopping by and sharing your knowledge of cinema with us!
WTF (Watch The FIlm)!
Saint Pauly
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So i just want to start by saying that I’m not trying to be negative nor combative in any way with what i say here.
I read through your entire “review” but it seems that the majority of people who hated this movie, like yourself, missed numerous points that very much explained themselves within the parts of the movie that most of you felt “made no sense”. Did you ever consider that perhaps you missed a few things? Or maybe simply didn’t understand the way the director “answered” the questions y’all had? And just because you don’t understand a movie doesn’t make it crap.
I’m ALL about everyone being entitled to their own opinions, free speech & all that “jazz” BUT there’s numerous parts in your review that make it abundantly clear you completely missed what the movie was “saying” & i genuinely believe that had you watched this movie again with a completely different perspective, & maybe after someone who’s opinion you trust (or a good friend of yours that loved this film) explains those parts I’m referencing: i sincerely believe u’d very much enjoy this movie.
You seem very intelligent, obviously intellectual & I’d be happy to be more specific as to what I’m referencing when saying there’s significant parts of this movie missed that if understood would change ones entire perspective of it. But I’ve shared enough at this point & i just want to reiterate that I’m not trying to insult ANYONE nor am i trying to be rude or cruel. Just trying to share my differing opinion & looking forward to a possibly healthy, fun, hopefully harmless & kind Debate. If you’re not interested, no worries. If u are interested: I’m looking very forward to it 😎.
Thanks for your time.
Respectfully,
T.
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Hallo T!
Thank you so much for patiently waiting for me to get back to you! I’d also like to thank you for the tact you showed in your disagreement of my post. Being able to disagree without trolling someone is a sign of good manners and high intelligence.
As to your comment. PLEASE, share your thoughts on things that I’ve missed! I would honestly love to hear from you and get your perspective on some of my issues with the film. I’m looking forward to reading your comments!
WTF T (Watch The Film),
Saint Pauly
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Wow. I attempted to watch this on Netflix and turned it off after about 10 minutes. That’s how long it took to figure out it was a complete garbage film. WTH happened to John cussak? Drugs?
Out of all the possible scripts out there that could have been made into good films for $1.99, somehow he ended up in this claptrap which is totally unoriginal, dumb and even poorly shot! I’ve seen amateur films shot better.
At least I figured it out in 10 minutes. Along with cussak Netflix also sucks. Nothing on there but films from 30
Years ago and junk films like this.
I occasionally watch for free and pity anyone who would pay for Netflix and a film like this.
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Hallo Grx,
Yes, this film was a pile of shite but look on the bright side, it’s hilariously bad and so it’s good for a laugh!
I appreciate the visit, mate!
WTF Grx (Watch The Film),
Saint Pauly
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