I shall be chronicling The Trump Prophecy, studying its genesis and examining its revelations to judge if it’s gospel or belongs in the John. So read on only if you’ve already seen The Trump Prophecy, or don’t plan to.
Disclaimer: Let me preface this post by stating in no uncertain terms that it is not my intention to mock anyone for their political beliefs. My job is to make fun of films and not individuals. That said, the reader should keep in mind that I’m a gay European, so you won’t be surprised if my beliefs run contrary to that of the sitting president (as of this writing), and that it may be difficult for me to expunge all criticism from my commentary. In short, if you’re a fan of Donald Trump, you might want to give this post a pass. Also, lest I be accused of sticking my English bugle where it doesn’t belong, know that, as I’m half American, I do vote in American elections, thus ‘have a dog in this fight’, as it were.
Sorry for the earlier meme! In the interest of being democratic, fair & balanced should I take it down?
Let’s make like the first republican with his mate and get this party started!
Based on a true story
Kind of like the Trump Presidency.
What the Hell? Is blazing fire really the way they want to introduce this film?
The spirit of God told me, “I have chosen this man, for such a time as this.” For as Benjamin Netanyahu is to Israel, so shall this man be to the United States of America.
If this is the way God works, I’m going to become Saint Pauly, literally!
0:02:28 A woman burns down her house when she passes out while smocking crack. Too bad, she’d probably like this film!
0:02:38 A firefighter who sleeps with his Bible responds to the blaze. He sleeps with his Bible because every woman said ‘no’, I bet.
0:04:04 When he’s alone in the firehouse, the pervy fire chief walks around the men’s bedroom listening to news about hurricane Katrina. At least this film won’t be the only disaster.
[N.B. Hurricane Katrina means this action is set in 2005.]
0:08:36 After carrying out the mother on a stretcher and rescuing the older sister, our hero (Chris Nelson as Mark Taylor) rushes back into the burning building to rescue the young boy who is at the same time unresponsive but standing up. Kind of like a sitting president.
0:09:41 WTF!? The boy is unresponsive so Mark the firefighter doesn’t take him to the EMTs but instead just walks away with the body like a shoplifter stealing barbecue?
0:11:54 Mark has nightmares about the blaze and meeting the devil there. Maybe the prophecy is he’s going to meet the devil irl.
0:14:24 Mark tells his wife (Karen Boles as Mary Jo Taylor) that he’s fed up of fires and wants to quit his job. He tells her this as she’s about to leave for work, and he doesn’t even grab her pussy. None of this is very Republican of him.
0:15:52 Mark starts to clean his grandfather’s boat but is distracted by the photographs he stores there (WTF!?) of when he was a little girl (WTF!?).
You: Hey, God, thanks for telling no one but me who you voted for as president of the United States!
0:18:02 He has PTSD. Fortunately, that’s covered by Obamacare.
Mark: I’ve got 4 months [sick leave] saved up, right?
Mark: I wanna take it all now…. And when I come back on January 1, I’ll have made my 20 years.
Chief: Hey, happy holidays!
WTF, if it’s 4 months away from January 1, it means it’s the 1st of August, so why is the Chief wishing Mark ‘Happy Holidays’ and not ‘Merry Christmas’?
0:24:50 Mark’s PTSD stems from his finding one burned boy (see 8:36). Imagine if he worked for the U.S. Border Patrol!
Mark: I’m not taking those pills. [For PTSD.]
In other words, he’s off his meds. He probably is just doing it so Trump will make fun of his mental disorder.
0:29:34 Mark decides to stay away from fires, like a snowflake. ❄️
Mark: I’m done at 20 [years experience]. I’m completely and totally burnt out.
Said the firefighter! 😂🤣😂🤣😂
0:31:07 Mark tells the Fire chief (Paul Stober) he’s leaving.
Fire chief: It’s a big decision. Have you prayed on it?
Mark: To tell you the truth, Chief, it’s been a long time since I prayed. Kinda forgot how.
Fire chief: Mark, prayer is the strongest, most powerful you’ve got. All you’ve got to do is talk to him.
Mark: Yeah, I know.
Fire chief: I’ll be praying for you.
That’s sects harassment!
0:40:13 At his doctor’s, Mark learns his health problems are physical, not simply psychosomatic. He has mental bone spurs, if you will.
Mark: So, what do I do?
Doctor Vander (Michael Everett Johnson): Well, that’s where God’s grace comes in.
WTF!? Turns out Marx was right, religion is literally the opium of the people.
0:46:46 Mark wakes up in the middle of a bad dream while Trump is speaking on the telly and jots down in his notebook,
God said, “You’re hearing the voice of a president.”
What God really said was, “You’re hearing the voice of the one-percent.” #DontBlameGod
0:49:14 Looks like Mark is in The Room.
[Note all the product placement for the doctor’s snake oil remedies!]
0:54:18 It’s 3 years later and Trump has officially announced his candidacy. Mark tells his new doctor (Dr. Don Colbert, fundamentalist evangelical) that he dreamt this years ago. Don asks if he can show the journal to his wife, who hopefully is a licensed psychiatrist.
[N.B. It’s interesting how the film portrays Dr. Colbert as the voice of medical science confirming Mark’s PTSD hallucinations. It’s important to note that Colbert is a fundamentalist conservative who received his medical degree from
Trump University Oral Roberts University, an evangelical Christian uni. Thus, Colbert is as unbiased as this review. ]
I’m with her!
0:56:18 My bad, Mary loves Mark’s journal and wants to publish it. So, it’s also Mary’s bad. Lock her up!
0:56:52 Suddenly, in the middle of the meeting…
Mary: Hey, how ‘bout we pray?
1:00:08 Mary calls her son D. J. Daly (no, not the cool kind of DJ) and asks him for advice on how to make Trump win. He tells her to look up this verse in the Bible and start a prayer circle.
If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.
2 Chronicles 7:14
Am I the only one who read the part about turning from their wicked ways?
D.J.: Mom? Mom?
Mary: What is it, son?
D.J.: Just so we’re clear, I’ve never really been Trump fan.
Mary: Neither have I! [Laughs]
1:06:07 WTF!? Mary and Don get on an air plane, drop their luggage on people’s heads, ignore the flight attendant’s instructions, and pray so loudly over the phone in the toilets that the other passengers complain. This was today’s lesson in acting entitled, brought to you by Caucasians in first class. They may be in first, but they haven’t got any class.
1:09:00 Fictional newspapers with fictional headlines and fictional journalists declare Trump is a loser. How do I know they’re fictional? One byline reads Dwight Halpert which is a combination of Dwight Schrute and Jim Halpert from The Office, another is Jimothy Henson, a play on Jim Henson, the creator of the Muppets, and the final is Bartholomew Sampson, a take off on Bart Simpson, from The Simpsons.
1:13:36 To secure the Jewish audience and add more filler to the movie, Mary has a rabbi explain why she wants her prayer circle to blow a ram’s horn shofar (spoiler alert, it’s a Jewish battle tradition to ask for God’s help and then to celebrate victory). To me, it just looks like Trump supporters blowing their own horn.
If you look closely at this screenshot (click on it to enlarge it), you’ll notice many of the photos have been repeated to make the group look fuller. Ah, reminds me of an inauguration…
1:18:02 Donald Trump wins the election. Wait, if God helped Trump win the election, does that mean Putin’s God!?
Trump’s Speech: Now it’s time for America to bind the wounds of division.
You pronounced ‘widen’ wrong, bruh.
1:19:56 Once again Mark brings up Israel, saying the US and Israel will be united as one. WTF!? After mentioning Netanyahu in the intro and several other times throughout the film (remember the horn?), someone needs to remind Mark that Trump’s official stance is that there are ‘very fine people’ who want to eradicate Jews from the planet forever.
1:20:01 Because 1 hour and 20 minutes (with two video montages included!) isn’t long enough for a feature, they have to find another song…
1:20:51 WTF!? Now there’s yet another song, and this one’s so cheesy even Wisconsin won’t listen to it! The lyrics affirm,
The world came together for the cause of good
The truth rang out in every neighbourhood
I’m talking every race and nationality
With God as our guide
Hands raised on our knees
First off, this video will certainly come in handy for the president if he ever needs to know what a soldier looks like. Secondly, it’s ironic but this song is about defeating Nazis in World War II, while the Trump organisation is trying to bring them back!
You like montages? Here’s a montage of that…
Wait, aren’t they just making the ‘okay’ symbol? Yes, sure, if you mean they’re saying, “OK, I’m a racist.”
1:24:42 To fill out the rest of the film, we’re forced to watch a series of mostly white men preach to us about how Donald Trump and Make America Great Again are about making the government more submissive to religion.
1:39:26 WTF!? It’s still going on!? Everyone’s babbling on about a variety of topics from socialism in Europe, to Americans paying to make the US the world police, to the importance of Jerusalem, to Americans giving money to poor countries…
Janet Porter (Right to Life Activist): If you wanna be on the right side of history, you wanna be on God’s side. And if God is for Israel, and he is, then I wanna be for Israel.
Lol, sounds like someone grabbed her pussy a little too hard.
1:45:58 OMG, the last 20 minutes of this film is literally talking heads spouting political propaganda, fake news and gas lighting. It must be a tribute to the current Presidency…
- WTF!?’s: 31 damning ones — a new world record!!!
- When to Follow: If you really really love Trump or really really hate him, this film is for you.
- Where’s This Found: This is honestly The. Worst. Film. Ever. Made. When people ask, “How bad can it be?”, this is the answer. It is a disaster on every level: the acting, the script, the editing, the cinematography, the story, the directing, the message… There is not one redeemable thing about The Trump Prophecy. From now on, this is the official ‘zero’, as in “On a scale of zero to ten, with 10 being The Blues Brothers and 0 being The Trump Prophecy…”. Thus, I have no choice but to break new ground and say that, out of a possible 10, I have 0 F’s to give.
- What To Feedback: In the comments section, please find one good thing, anything, anything at all, that there is to say about this film.
Left Over WTF (Way Too Funny) Photos
Left over photos
Here are the individual photos from the montage above…
Prints suitable for reposting!
WTF!? did they say?
WTF!? do you meme?
What to Follow Up
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