WTF: The Trump Prophecy (2018)

The Trump Prophecy 01 poster 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly

Spoiler Alert:

I shall be chronicling The Trump Prophecy, studying its genesis and examining its revelations to judge if it’s gospel or belongs in the John. So read on only if you’ve already seen The Trump Prophecy, or don’t plan to.

Watch THE TRUMP PROPHECY here

The Trump Prophecy 02 poster 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly

Disclaimer: Let me preface this post by stating in no uncertain terms that it is not my intention to mock anyone for their political beliefs. My job is to make fun of films and not individuals. That said, the reader should keep in mind that I’m a gay European, so you won’t be surprised if my beliefs run contrary to that of the sitting president (as of this writing), and that it may be difficult for me to expunge all criticism from my commentary. In short, if you’re a fan of Donald Trump, you might want to give this post a pass. Also, lest I be accused of sticking my English bugle where it doesn’t belong, know that, as I’m half American, I do vote in American elections, thus ‘have a dog in this fight’, as it were.

Sorry for the earlier meme! In the interest of being democratic, fair & balanced should I take it down?

Let’s make like the first republican with his mate and get this party started!

0:00:16

Based on a true story

Kind of like the Trump Presidency.

0:00:37

The Trump Prophecy 03 SC Truth in Advertising 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
Truth in Advertising

What the Hell? Is blazing fire really the way they want to introduce this film?

0:01:41

The spirit of God told me, “I have chosen this man, for such a time as this.” For as Benjamin Netanyahu is to Israel, so shall this man be to the United States of America.

If this is the way God works, I’m going to become Saint Pauly, literally! 

0:02:28 A woman burns down her house when she passes out while smocking crack. Too bad, she’d probably like this film!

0:02:38 A firefighter who sleeps with his Bible responds to the blaze. He sleeps with his Bible because every woman said ‘no’, I bet.

The Trump Prophecy 04 GIF When an evangelical sees Trump 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
What Evangelicals do with the Gospel when Trump walks in

0:04:04 When he’s alone in the firehouse, the pervy fire chief walks around the men’s bedroom listening to news about hurricane Katrina. At least this film won’t be the only disaster.

[N.B. Hurricane Katrina means this action is set in 2005.]

0:08:36 After carrying out the mother on a stretcher and rescuing the older sister, our hero (Chris Nelson as Mark Taylor) rushes back into the burning building to rescue the young boy who is at the same time unresponsive but standing up. Kind of like a sitting president.

0:09:41 WTF!? The boy is unresponsive so Mark the firefighter doesn’t take him to the EMTs but instead just walks away with the body like a shoplifter stealing barbecue?

0:11:54 Mark has nightmares about the blaze and meeting the devil there. Maybe the prophecy is he’s going to meet the devil irl. 

The Trump Prophecy 05 GIF A hot head 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
A hot head

0:14:24 Mark tells his wife (Karen Boles as Mary Jo Taylor) that he’s fed up of fires and wants to quit his job. He tells her this as she’s about to leave for work, and he doesn’t even grab her pussy. None of this is very Republican of him. 

0:15:52  Mark starts to clean his grandfather’s boat but is distracted by the photographs he stores there (WTF!?) of when he was a little girl (WTF!?).

The Trump Prophecy 06 SC Mark and Grandpa discuss anatomy 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
Mark and Grandpa discuss anatomy…maybe of fish

0:17:08

You: Hey, God, thanks for telling no one but me who you voted for as president of the United States!

God:

The Trump Prophecy 07 GIF Godsmack not just a heavy metal band 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
Godsmack: not just a heavy metal band

0:18:02 He has PTSD. Fortunately, that’s covered by Obamacare.

0:18:15

Mark: I’ve got 4 months [sick leave] saved up, right?
Chief: Yep
Mark: I wanna take it all now…. And when I come back on January 1, I’ll have made my 20 years.

Chief: Hey, happy holidays!

WTF, if it’s 4 months away from January 1, it means it’s the 1st of August, so why is the Chief wishing Mark ‘Happy Holidays’ and not ‘Merry Christmas’?

0:20:55

The Trump Prophecy 08 SC Mark has hot dreams 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
Mark has hot dreams

0:24:50 Mark’s PTSD stems from his finding one burned boy (see 8:36). Imagine if he worked for the U.S. Border Patrol!

The Trump Prophecy 09 SC The boy is 2-faced 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
The boy is 2-faced

0:25:27

Mark: I’m not taking those pills. [For PTSD.]

In other words, he’s off his meds. He probably is just doing it so Trump will make fun of his mental disorder.

0:29:34 Mark decides to stay away from fires, like a snowflake. ❄️

The Trump Prophecy 10 SC 'Hey, José, wanna buy a wall' 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
“Hey, José, wanna buy a wall?”

0:30:16

Mark: I’m done at 20 [years experience]. I’m completely and totally burnt out.

Said the firefighter! 😂🤣😂🤣😂

0:31:07 Mark tells the Fire chief (Paul Stober) he’s leaving.

Fire chief: It’s a big decision. Have you prayed on it?
Mark: To tell you the truth, Chief, it’s been a long time since I prayed. Kinda forgot how.
Fire chief: Mark, prayer is the strongest, most powerful you’ve got. All you’ve got to do is talk to him.
Mark: Yeah, I know.
Fire chief: I’ll be praying for you.

That’s sects harassment!

0:36:08

The Trump Prophecy 11 SC Mark dreams of meeting Putin 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
Mark dreams of meeting Putin

0:40:13 At his doctor’s, Mark learns his health problems are physical, not simply psychosomatic. He has mental bone spurs, if you will.

Mark: So, what do I do?
Doctor Vander (Michael Everett Johnson): Well, that’s where God’s grace comes in.

WTF!? Turns out Marx was right, religion is literally the opium of the people.

0:45:08

The Trump Prophecy 12 SC The special effects ar the real nightmare 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
The special effects are the real nightmare

0:46:46 Mark wakes up in the middle of a bad dream while Trump is speaking on the telly and jots down in his notebook,

God said, “You’re hearing the voice of a president.”

What God really said was, “You’re hearing the voice of the one-percent.” #DontBlameGod

0:49:14 Looks like Mark is in The Room.

The Trump Prophecy 13 SC 'Oh, hi, Mark' 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
“Oh, hi, Mark!”

[Note all the product placement for the doctor’s snake oil remedies!]

0:54:18 It’s 3 years later and Trump has officially announced his candidacy. Mark tells his new doctor (Dr. Don Colbert, fundamentalist evangelical) that he dreamt this years ago. Don asks if he can show the journal to his wife, who hopefully is a licensed psychiatrist.

[N.B. It’s interesting how the film portrays Dr. Colbert as the voice of medical science confirming Mark’s PTSD hallucinations. It’s important to note that Colbert is a fundamentalist conservative who received his medical degree from Trump University Oral Roberts University, an evangelical Christian uni. Thus, Colbert is as unbiased as this review. ]

0:55:30

The Trump Prophecy 14 GIF When you learn God chose Trump 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
When you learn God chose Trump

I’m with her!

0:56:18 My bad, Mary loves Mark’s journal and wants to publish it. So, it’s also Mary’s bad. Lock her up!

0:56:52 Suddenly, in the middle of the meeting…

Mary: Hey, how ‘bout we pray?

1:00:08 Mary calls her son D. J. Daly (no, not the cool kind of DJ) and asks him for advice on how to make Trump win. He tells her to look up this verse in the Bible and start a prayer circle.

If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

2 Chronicles 7:14

Am I the only one who read the part about turning from their wicked ways?

1:01:22

D.J.: Mom? Mom?
Mary: What is it, son?
D.J.: Just so we’re clear, I’ve never really been Trump fan.
Mary: Neither have I! [Laughs]

WTF!? Blasphemy!

1:06:07 WTF!? Mary and Don get on an air plane, drop their luggage on people’s heads, ignore the flight attendant’s instructions, and pray so loudly over the phone in the toilets that the other passengers complain. This was today’s lesson in acting entitled, brought to you by Caucasians in first class. They may be in first, but they haven’t got any class.

The Trump Prophecy 15 SC The audacity of the caucacity 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly

1:09:00 Fictional newspapers with fictional headlines and fictional journalists declare Trump is a loser. How do I know they’re fictional? One byline reads Dwight Halpert which is a combination of Dwight Schrute and Jim Halpert from The Office, another is Jimothy Henson, a play on Jim Henson, the creator of the Muppets, and the final is Bartholomew Sampson, a take off on Bart Simpson, from The Simpsons.

The Trump Prophecy 16 SC Real fake news 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
Real fake news

1:13:36 To secure the Jewish audience and add more filler to the movie, Mary has a rabbi explain why she wants her prayer circle to blow a ram’s horn shofar (spoiler alert, it’s a Jewish battle tradition to ask for God’s help and then to celebrate victory). To me, it just looks like Trump supporters blowing their own horn.

The Trump Prophecy 17 SC Children of the Horn 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
Children of the Horn
The Trump Prophecy 18 SC Horny people 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
Horny people

If you look closely at this screenshot (click on it to enlarge it), you’ll notice many of the photos have been repeated to make the group look fuller. Ah, reminds me of an inauguration…

1:16:01

The Trump Prophecy 19 SC 'Hallowed by they covfefe' 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
“Hallowed be thy covfefe”

1:18:02 Donald Trump wins the election. Wait, if God helped Trump win the election, does that mean Putin’s God!?

Trump’s Speech: Now it’s time for America to bind the wounds of division.

You pronounced ‘widen’ wrong, bruh.

1:19:56 Once again Mark brings up Israel, saying the US and Israel will be united as one. WTF!? After mentioning Netanyahu in the intro and several other times throughout the film (remember the horn?), someone needs to remind Mark that Trump’s official stance is that there are ‘very fine people’ who want to eradicate Jews from the planet forever.

1:20:01 Because 1 hour and 20 minutes (with two video montages included!) isn’t long enough for a feature, they have to find another song…

1:20:51 WTF!? Now there’s yet another song, and this one’s so cheesy even Wisconsin won’t listen to it! The lyrics affirm,

The world came together for the cause of good
The truth rang out in every neighbourhood
I’m talking every race and nationality
With God as our guide
Hands raised on our knees

First off, this video will certainly come in handy for the president if he ever needs to know what a soldier looks like. Secondly, it’s ironic but this song is about defeating Nazis in World War II, while the Trump organisation is trying to bring them back!

You like montages? Here’s a montage of that…

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Wait, aren’t they just making the ‘okay’ symbol? Yes, sure, if you mean they’re saying, “OK, I’m a racist.”

Racist White House 14 OK I'm a racist 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
White Power rally

1:24:42 To fill out the rest of the film, we’re forced to watch a series of mostly white men preach to us about how Donald Trump and Make America Great Again are about making the government more submissive to religion.

1:39:26 WTF!? It’s still going on!? Everyone’s babbling on about a variety of topics from socialism in Europe, to Americans paying to make the US the world police, to the importance of Jerusalem, to Americans giving money to poor countries…

Janet Porter (Right to Life Activist): If you wanna be on the right side of history, you wanna be on God’s side. And if God is for Israel, and he is, then I wanna be for Israel.

Lol, sounds like someone grabbed her pussy a little too hard.

1:45:58 OMG, the last 20 minutes of this film is literally talking heads spouting political propaganda, fake news and gas lighting. It must be a tribute to the current Presidency…

Roll credits

Tally Ho’

  • WTF!?’s: 31 damning ones — a new world record!!!
  • When to Follow: If you really really love Trump or really really hate him, this film is for you.
  • Where’s This Found: This is honestly The. Worst. Film. Ever. Made. When people ask, “How bad can it be?”, this is the answer. It is a disaster on every level: the acting, the script, the editing, the cinematography, the story, the directing, the message… There is not one redeemable thing about The Trump Prophecy. From now on, this is the official ‘zero’, as in “On a scale of zero to ten, with 10 being The Blues Brothers and 0 being The Trump Prophecy…”. Thus, I have no choice but to break new ground and say that, out of a possible 10, I have 0 F’s to give.

 

  • What To Feedback: In the comments section, please find one good thing, anything, anything at all, that there is to say about this film.

All GIFs used in this review were created with the Imgflip online meme generator

Left Over WTF (Way Too Funny) Photos

Left over photos

Here are the individual photos from the montage above…

Racist White House 01 Stephen Miller 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
Stephen Miller (far-right political activist and senior Trump advisor)
Racist White House 02 Stephen Miller 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
Notice the hidden fingers on his far-right hand
Racist White House 03 Roger Stone 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
Roger Stone (Trump advisor)
Racist White House 04 Alex Jones 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
Roger Stone gets Alex Jones’ thumbs up
Racist White House 05 Milo Yiannopoulos 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
Milo Yiannopoulos (Polemicist and former editor of far-right magazine Breitbart News)
Racist White House 06 Richard Spencer 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
Richard Spencer (White supremacist on election night)
Racist White House 07 Tomi Lahren 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
Tammi O’Harem (silly bint)
Racist White House 08 Milo Yiannopoulos and 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
Milo Yiannopoulos and …? in the White House Press Room
Racist White House 09 Jim Hoft and Lucian Wintrich 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
Jim Hoft (founder of far-right website Gateway Pundit) and Lucian Wintrich (alt-right troll) in White House Press Room
Racist White House 10 Cassandra Fairbanks and Mike Cernovich 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
Cassandra Fairbanks (Breitbart News contributor) and Mike Cernovich (alt-right conspiracy theorist) in White House Press Room
Racist White House 11 Jack Posobiec 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
John Michael ‘Jack’ Posobiec III (alt-right internet troll and conspiracy theorist) in White House Press Room
Racist White House 12 Zina Bash 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
Zina Bash (ex-clerk for Kavanaugh and ex-special assistant in Trump administration)
Racist White House 13 Zina Bash 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
In case you missed it
Racist White House 14 Jack Breuer 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
Jack Breuer (White House intern who was told to make the thumbs-up gesture by the President)
Racist White House 14 OK I'm a racist 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly
Ok, I’m a racist

Prints suitable for reposting!

WTF!? did they say?

The Trump Prophecy 20 wtfdts You're hearing the voice of the president 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly

WTF!? do you meme?

The Trump Prophecy 21 meme Hey José, wanna buy a wall 123WTF Watch The Film Saint Pauly

What to Follow Up

WTF Review

132WTF review of another God-com

Bar None Review

The Bar None looks at a different kind of prophecy

366 Weird Movies

366 Weird Movies reviews Sorry to Bother You

If you enjoyed this post, please consider sharing it on Facebook!
It’s the easiest — and nicest! — way to say ‘Thank you’.

WTF!? on Facebook

WTF!? on Twitter

WTF!? on Pinterest

WTF!? on Google+

WTF!? on Tumblr

WTF!? on Instagram

4 thoughts on “WTF: The Trump Prophecy (2018)

  1. I only got this to say, St. Pauly:

    Is it too late for Revolution? (You know – the ultaviolent, bloodsoaked, angry mob style, super soldier, walking nuclear tank and cyborg ninja-involving, “makes for a WAY better movie” kind?)

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply to tetrodoblog Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.