WTF: The Zero Theorem (2013)

The Zero Theorem 12 (Saint Pauly WTF Watch the Film)

The Zero Theorem 01 poster (Saint Pauly WTF Watch the Film)

Spoiler Alert:

I shall be studying each word of The Zero Theorem, poring over each postulate and appraising every reaction to determine if its arguments are valid or if it’s all for naught. So read on only if you’ve already seen The Zero Theorem, or don’t plan to.

Watch The Zero Theorem here

[My explanations are provided in italics where necessary, and a complete analysis of the themes is found at the bottom of the review.]

Continue reading WTF: The Zero Theorem (2013)

WTF: Avalanche Sharks (2013)

Avalanche Sharks 10 snow (WTF Saint Pauly)

Avalanche Sharks 01 poster (WTF Saint Pauly)

Spoiler Alert:

I shall be digging into Avalanche Sharks, freezing each frame and analysing the flurry of action to snow if the film is cool or merely leaves us cold. So read on only if you’ve already seen Avalanche Sharks, or don’t plan to.

Continue reading WTF: Avalanche Sharks (2013)

WTF: Excision (2012)

Excision 09 (WTF Saint Pauly)

Excision 01 poster (WTF Saint Pauly)

Spoiler Alert:

I shall be dissecting Excision bit by bit, digging deeply into each morsel and getting under it’s skin to see if it’s cutting edge or dreadfully dull. So read on only if you’ve already seen Excision, or don’t plan to.

Watch Excision on-line here

WARNING: In addition to being the best film I’ve seen in recent memory, Excision is a disturbing film with disturbing subjects. The images, clips and GIFs below echo that intensity, so continue only if you are willing to see shocking subject matter. You have been warned.

Continue reading WTF: Excision (2012)

WTF: Apartment 1303 (2012)

Apartment 1303 01 (WTF Saint Pauly)

Apartment 1303 01 poster (WTF Saint Pauly)

Spoiler Alert:

I shall be revisiting Apartment 1303, checking out its room and scouring every square meter of its premise to see if it’s real estate or just a dump. So read on only if you’ve already seen Apartment 1303, or don’t plan to.

Continue reading WTF: Apartment 1303 (2012)

WTF: Vampire Academy (2014)

Vampire Academy 31 (WTF Saint Pauly)

Vampire Academy 01 poster (WTF Saint Pauly)

Spoiler Alert:

I shall be sinking my teeth into Vampire Academy. After bleeding it dry, I shall process every bit to find if it’s in good or bad taste, then thoroughly digest it to see if it has bite or simply sucks. So read on only if you’ve already seen Vampire Academy, or don’t plan to.

Continue reading WTF: Vampire Academy (2014)

WTF: I, Frankenstein (2014)

I, Frankenstein 08 (WTF Saint Paul)

 I, Frankenstein 01 poster (WTF Saint Paul)

Spoiler Alert:

I shall be dissecting I, Frankenstein bit by bit, taking it apart limb by limb, analysing it from head to toe to determine if it’s a tasty piece or spoiled rotten. So read on only if you’ve already seen I, Frankenstein, or don’t plan to.

Continue reading WTF: I, Frankenstein (2014)

WTF: Holy Ghost People (2013)

Holy Ghost People 04 (WTF Saint Pauly)

Holy Ghost People 01 poster (WTF Saint Pauly)

Spoiler Alert:

I swear to God, I shall watch Holy Ghost People religiously, fervently testify to its message and piously confess its sins to determine if it’s a godsend or goddamned. So read on only if you’ve already witnessed Holy Ghost People, or don’t plan to. Continue reading WTF: Holy Ghost People (2013)

WTF: The Counselor (2013)

The Counselor 10 (Saint Pauly WTF)

The Counselor 01 poster (WTF Saint Pauly)

Spoiler Alert:

I shall be examining the case against The Counselor, weighing its arguments, hearing its pleas and coming to a verdict to find if it’s a guilty pleasure or guilty as sin. So read on only if you’ve already seen The Counselor, or don’t plan to.

Continue reading WTF: The Counselor (2013)

WTF: Poseidon Rex (2013)

Poseidon Rex GIF 02 Destruction (WTF Saint Pauly)

Poseidon Rex 01 poster (Saint Pauly WTF)

Spoiler Alert:

I shall be exploring Poseidon Rex in minute detail, unearthing its foundations and digging its sights to determine if the film is in ruins or a buried treasure. So read on only if you’ve already seen Poseidon Rex, or don’t plan to.

[A special shout-out to my talented friend Sir Rodney over at Fernby Films, who was gracious enough to bring this film to my attention. If you’re in the mood for a well-written review, he’s better at this than I!]

Continue reading WTF: Poseidon Rex (2013)

WTF: Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)

Captain America 16 (Saint Pauly WTF)

Captain America 01 poster (WTF Saint Pauly)

Spoiler Alert:

I shall be putting Captain America through its paces, ranking its status and debriefing its mission in order to determine if it’s a Major Victory or Corporal Punishment. So read on only if you’ve already seen Captain America, or don’t plan to.

Continue reading WTF: Captain America: The First Avenger (2011)